UPJOKE

There Will Be Jokes

9 months from now there will be a baby boom. 13 years later will give rise to the next generation, known as

Quarenteens.

There will be a mass meeting of the debating society this evening.

All mass debaters are invited to attend.

I told my suitcases that there will be no holiday this year....

I am now dealing with emotional baggage.

The Vienna Boys Choir is having a special New Year’s Eve concert. At midnight there will be a ball drop and…

…all the Sopranos will become Altos.

Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She said: "Come to my place on Saturday. There will be nobody home."

So I went to her place and rang the doorbell. There was nobody home.

Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ.

It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian

Just heard that there will be a round of applause for courier and delivery drivers tomorrow

It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.

With all this self-quarantine going on, in 9 months there will be a baby boom....

...And the top baby names will be Covid and Corona.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Welcome to the "Masturbation 101" course. This is quite sudden, but there will be a test next week.

I hope all of you will come

Out of respect, there will be no jokes about a bag full of Jesus allowed here...

They're sack religous

There will be no documentation of the 1990's...

...Because only 90's kids will remember

If Darth Vader said "Nothing's gonna stop us now" instead of "There will be no one to stop us this time..."

Would that make him Mannequin Skywalker?

The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048.

Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

Patrick Stewart is talking about a new Stsr Trek show he will be in. There will be a disease or attack that wipes out all officers of a certain age, leaving Starfleet without any captains. So they bring in retired admirals to captain the ships.

It will be called "Geria-Trek."

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

A man walks into a restaurant and is told that there will be an estimated hour of waiting for a table

The man responds to this news by asking "Do you know who I am?"

Not recognizing him, the host immediately gives him the next available table in order to make it seem like he does.

"Does this table meet your expectations?" Says the host.

The man again replies "Do you know who I a...

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...

The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at his funeral...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.




The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and e...

At this rate, by year 2600 next to the wrecks of Titanic and Titan...

...there will be wrecks of Titanis, Titanius, Titanialis, Titanion, Titan-2, Titanik, Titanicque, and Titanium-Z!

So a black guy walks into a bank

All dressed in black and says "I'm looking for a job!"

The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"

The black guy says "You're joking."

The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"

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