The Nuts Jokes - 16 Hilarious The Nuts Jokes

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One ...

What does a pirate say when gets kicked in the nuts?

Menards

Giving Birth, or Getting Kicked in the Nuts!

Which Hurts More?

Obviously it's getting kicked in the nuts.
Why? Well you don't get kicked in the Nuts, wait a year and decide, I'll try that again.

Game-Over on that debate!

So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady. She said to me, "Sonny, would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."

"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

"What a nice lady", I thought, while happ...

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to hav...

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A hunter shoots a deer and is pulling it back to his truck

A farmer passes by and says, "Hey you shot that deer on my property. That makes that deer mine."
The hunter says, "No way, I tracked it, I shot it, it's mine."
The farmer says, "Ok Ok...we'll settle this the old way."
"The ol...

Kicked a mime in the nuts today.

Very effective unmute option.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two priests (NSFW)(long)

Two priests were driving in a car during a pouring rainstorm when they got a flat tire. They got out to change the tire, but just as they started a man pulled up and said "Father, you should wait in the car where it's dry. I'll change the tire for you."

The priest agreed but told the man to m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nipped In The Nuts

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure, an extremely beautiful nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. The man is going almost crazy with lust for this perfect specimen, in her tight white starched uniform, her come-hither smil...

A guy walks into a bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

A couple of minutes later, he hears a disembodied voice say “Nice shirt.” He looks around, but there’s no one nearby that could’ve said it.

Confused, he shrugs it off. A few moments later, he hears the same voice, “I like your tie, too.” He quickly looks around. No one is even near him.
...

I got kicked in the nuts at Midnight on New Years.

I started the year off on the highest note possible.

I asked the worker at Wal-Mart where I could find the nuts.

She said, "They are all in the toilet paper aisle right now."

What hardware store would you yell out if you took a shot to the nuts?

Ow! Menards!!

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

I washed my car today and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally, I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
...

What did Goofy say when he got shot in the nuts by a soccer ball?

F’yuck

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what ...

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