UPJOKE

The Network Jokes

BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week

Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'

What did the network/IT man say to the doctor?

IT hertz when IP.

Why is the network engineer sad?

Because his career is in bits.

What is the network admin favourite lullaby?

Mary had a little LAN

What did the network engineer give to his fiancée?

A token ring.

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

Lessons learned over time:

(In no particular order, and yes - I am a nerd)

1) the problem is always in the last thing that you check.

2) always do the network card driver update AFTER everything else.

3) it's probably the cable that's causing the problem.

4) if you think that you've made things ...

Three IT Guys walk into a bar.

Three I.T. Guys walk into a bar. A sysadmin, a help desk tech, and a network engineer.

The Network engineer immediately starts a conversation with everyone at the bar. The help desk tech orders a drink for himself and starts asking a crying girl how he can help solve her problems. The barten...

Four Engineers

4 Engineers get into a car. A Mechanical Engineer, a Petroleum Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, and a Network Engineer. They go to start the car and nothing. The Mechanical Engineer says, "Hey guys, we've got a bad starter, we're going to need to fix that before the car will start." The Petrole...

A network engineer goes to see his doctor

He explains that he cannot seem to make his wife pregnant.

The doctor examines the network engineer, and says "it looks like a connection issue"...

...

...




He asks "is it my technique?"

The doctor responds "no, you have a twisted pair"

Ellen has so much bad press about how entitled she is

That the network is renaming her program The Karen Show.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requ...

A truck driver is heading west across the Arizona desert. He has been driving all night, and as the sun starts to rise, he feels the need to stop and commune with nature.

He pulls to the side of the road, parks, and walks out into the sage brush.
As he is standing there, looking around at the beauty of the early morning, he notices a lever sticking out of the ground. After a few moments, he walks over, walks all the way around, and then reaches out to grasp the le...

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