UPJOKE

The Haunted Jokes

Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house?

Because it was 2 squared

Have you heard about the haunted golf course?

It had a bogeyman.

The Haunted mansion opened three years after Walt Disney died.

It's what Walt would have haunted

What did Velma say to Scooby at the haunted methadone clinic?

"Junkies!"

Have you heard about the haunted house shortage?

Seems like a lot of people are running out of them.

Did you all hear about the haunted wooden structures?

They are made of Bamboooooooooooo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Haunted Car

The hour is late, the streetlights have gone out, and it isn't the safest part of town on the best of nights. Jim the hitchhiker wants nothing more than to get out of there as soon as possible.

Suddenly, a pair of headlights appears through the misty gloom, and begin approaching him, silently...

Did you hear about the haunted health food store?

Everything is super-natural.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The haunted bathroom

An man talks with his wife after a long night of drinking.
Man: "Honey, I think our house is haunted!"
Wife: "Why do you say that?"
Man: "Last night, I was going to the bathroom and when I opened the door, the lights suddenly and cold air blew right into me!" ...

Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant?

He got crêped out.

Why was the haunted mansion self conscious?

Because it got a lot of creepy stairs.

FML.

A couple checked into the Haunted Inn for a fun Halloween weekend.

At the front desk, they told the clerk that zombies and skeletons were fine, but they refused to share accommodations with ghosts. Whereupon the manager returned their money and asked them to leave, because he refused to do business with wraithists.

Did you guys know that according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria

And becomes the haunted house of the cell

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American couple is looking to adopt a child...

and for whatever reason, they find themselves in an orphanage in Germany. There is this little German boy they really liked to adopt, and they decide to ask the nun if they can adopt him.

"You want to adopt little Volker?" the nun asks.

"Yes, of course. Why, is something wrong with Vol...

What's the squeakiest ride at the fair?

The haunted mouse

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

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