UPJOKE

The Guy Who Invented Jokes

The guy who invented autocorrect has died...

...his funfair will be help next sundial.

To the guy who invented the number zero

Thanks for nothing

The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.

There was no coffin at the funeral

It wasn’t easy for the guy who invented the microphone in the beginning.

He got some really bad feedback.

I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella.

But he hesitated.

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the 'no-bell' prize.

We should really thank the guy who invented Venetian blinds

Without him it would be curtains for us all.

Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup...

Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I sucked!

The guy who invented USB passed away recently

At his funeral, they started to lower his casket into the ground, but they had to stop half-way, and flip him over.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers and got rich?

He made a mint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most people didn’t like the guy who invented doors

They say he was a bit of a knob

The guy who invented the USB connector died...

They lowered the coffin into his grave.

Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again.

The guy who invented velcro shoes thought to himself

'Why knot?'

Do you think the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying . . .

"If you build it, they will come."

The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today.

Restaurant in peace.

The guy who invented Sudoku actually really hated numbers

He just wanted to put them in their place.

They fired the guy who invented the wheel...

He was cutting too many corners.

The guy who invented marriage

Only did it once to realize it was a mistake

Did you hear about the guy who invented dip made from garbanzo beans but didn't get any recognition for it?

He was honored posthummusly

Do you know what did the guy who invented the first knock knock joke got ?

The 'no-bell prize'

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

Did you hear about the guy who invented base jumping?

It was the highpoint of his career. It was all downhill after.

The guy who invented the vibrator was bat $hit crazy.

The voices in his head said “Build it and they will cum”.

I hear the guy who invented hand sanitiser is doing well thanks to the coronavirus

I bet he's rubbing his hands together at the thought

I feel like we should all cut the guy who invented autocorrect some slack.

I'm sure he moans we'll

Met the guy who invented the windowsill...

What a ledge.

Did you hear the one about the guy who invented revolving doors? [oc]

It was a revolutionary way to enter buildings!

The guy who invented the hokey-cokey/hokey- pokey died last week :-(

Apparently they had a bit of a job getting him in his coffin.

First they put his left leg in...........

A quote from the guy who invented the stationary exercise bike...

"My life is going nowhere."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you here about the guy who invented a dildo for people with high IQs?

I haven't tried it but all the reviews say its ingenius.

The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...

... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."

Did you hear about the guy who invented the tic tac?

He made a mint!


I'll take my stuff and leave with my dad jokes.

I wonder who's buried in the grave of the guy who invented the switch-a-roo?

Th-th-that's all folks.

TIL: The guy who invented the toothbrush plays the banjo in his spare time.

Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say that, during sex, you burn off as many calories as running right miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

Edit: I appreciate all the real jokes in the comments.

As for the guy who invented autocorrect, well, there's a special place in she'll for him.

Who knew?

I never knew the guy who invented the machine that they use to clean shrimp was named Sheldon Devane...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Top 10 Edinburgh Fringe Festival Jokes

Here are the Top 10 2017 Edinburgh Fringe Festival Jokes!

1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” Ken Cheng


2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” Frankie Boyle


3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical q...

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