UPJOKE

The Creation Jokes

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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

The Creation of Woman

\[Yes, I know, it's been posted before, I can't help it.\]

Adam was moping around in the Garden of Eden. Suddenly a light flashed and there was the Lord.

"What's the matter, Adam?"

Adam replied: "I'm lonely. There is nobody to talk to around here except that slimy serpent who ...

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The creation of a pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,

Created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, with smart wit,

Using a knife,he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,

With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and t...

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The creation of woman.

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Tw...

At the beginning of Creation...

God created humanity and he told his angels to assemble all the human parts. There were mountains of; head, arms, legs and every other body parts. And he explained how to assemble the parts. Heads on shoulders, arms by the side, etc.

So they started making a lot of people because they had a l...

Immediately following the creation of Eve, Adam says to God

"Why'd you have too use my rib?"

"Oh, its symbolic. Now you have a pain in your side!"

The creation

While god was creating the world, the fire fly was asking him every five minutes:
\-Where will i put the lamp?

The creation of the woman.

When Adam roamed the garden of Eden, he saw how happy all the pairs of animals were, and he craved a partner. He prayed all day and all night, and in the end god answered his pleads and replied.

"Adam, what are you praying for?"

"Oh almighty god! I have seen the bliss of the animals of...

Did you guys hear about the creation of the moon?

It was a world-shattering event for those who experienced it.

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The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

At the Creation of Women

God: Adam, it would cost you but would you like me to make you a woman?

Adam: Yes. But what is a woman My Lord?

God: A woman is a wonderful creature that would obey ALL your commands and fufil ALL your desires

Adam: What would it cost me?

God: Only an arm and a leg ...

Paleontologists have determined that there once was a genetic mutation millions of years ago that resulted in the creation of a five-legged dinosaur.

As far as we know, this is the first evidence ever seen of a reptile dysfunction.

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Today I learned the Nazis were instrumental in the creation of Tang and other powdered fruit drinks

But it didn't get far since Hitler hated the juice.

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le...

How Scotland was created...

At the beginning of time God was discussing the creation of the world with the angel Gabriel. Leaning back in his golden throne, he told him of his plans for Scotland.

"Gabriel," said god "I am going to give Scotland towering mountains and magnificent glens resplendent with purple Heather. Re...

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Holmes and Watson are out on a camping trip

Finally away from work, Dr Watson and Sherlock Holmes decide to spend there time off the great outsiders They set up their camp, get a fire roaring, put up their tent and get ready for the evening in the wild. After a nice meal, the two detectives decide it’s time to head on to bed. They both crawl ...

Steve Jobs dies and goes to the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks him if he thinks he deserves to go to heaven or hell.

Steve says “definitely heaven - I was responsible for the creation of products that brought joy to millions around the world.”

St. Peter replies “yes that is true, but I’m afraid you have to go to hell.”

Dumfou...

How do you make a dog sound like a cat?

Put it in dry ice for a day, stick it on a bandsaw:  the dog goes "MRRRRRROW".

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

Douse it in gasoline and strike a match:  the cat goes "WOOF!"

(no animals were harmed in the creation of this joke.)

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An Italian, a Frenchman, a German, and an American sign up for a cooking class.

The instructor of the class has prepared three dishes for the class to cook; Fettuccine Alfredo, Éclair, and Schnitzel. He walks up to the Italian and asks him what he would like his job to be.

"I will be responsible for the creation of the Fettuccine Alfredo."

The instructor allows hi...

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