UPJOKE

Tall Build Jokes

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Two drunk guys are standing atop a tall building

While opening another beer, one guy says "It's crazy how windy it is up here!"
The other answers in slurred speach "Yeah, it's because of all the tall buildings here in the city center. This building is actually a special spot. There are such strong crosswinds here that you can actually jump of...

Three construction workers have lunch together on top of a tall building.

Three construction workers have lunch together on top of a tall building.

The first one opens his lunch box and goes "Another tuna sandwich? I eat tuna sandwich every day. If I have to eat another tuna sandwich I'm going to jump!". The second one opens his lunch box and also goes "Man, anoth...

A physicist sees a person on the top of a very tall building.

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings

Apparently it's an Apartment Complex

A young woman works alone for the first time late in the evening in a tall building, and her office phone rings unexpectedly.

She doesn't recognize the number but answers, thinking it may be her boss. Instead, a creepy sounding man speaks just two short sentences.

"I'm the viper. I'll be up soon."

He ends the call before she can respond. She shrugs and figures it's just kids messing around. A few minutes late...

A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building...

She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"

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What’s a Prostitute’s favorite part of leaving a tall building?

Going down on the elevator

A guy in a tall building walks into a bar and sees a drunk man.

The drunk man comes to the balcony and jumps off. A few moments later, the man comes back, perfectly fine.

Later, the man gets drunk and jumps off again. He comes back again perfectly fine.

The guy watching asks "Wow, how did you do that?"

The man responds "Anything can happen w...

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.

Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."








I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....

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3 window cleaners are working up a 20 story tall building

While working halfway the building 1 of them fell, obviously causing him to instantly die.

"Well fuck, that man had a wife. We need to tell him." One of the men said.

While the other man backed up and said he wasn't gonna tell her, the first man took the courage and went over to the w...

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4 men on a tall building ready to go

4 men on a roof, japanese, mexican, black and white. The japanese guy walks to the edge and jumps off saying "this is for my people". Next the mexican guy walks to the edge and jumps off saying "this is for my people".
Then the black guy walks to the edge and says "this is for my people", then...

Guess how long it takes to jump off a tall building?

The rest of your life

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it’s the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

An optimist lost his footing and fell off the top of a tall building

A man on the 18th floor saw it right as it happened. As the optimist was plunging towards certain death, the man calls out “hows it going?”, to which the optimist replied “so far, so good!”

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3 men are standing in the roof of a tall building

One man turns to one of the others and says "This building is magic. I can jump off and then float back up."

The other man calls bullshit, and dares the first to prove it.

The man jumps and and a short time later floats up to the roof and goes back to standing next to the others.
...

What did the policeman say to the guy about to jump from a tall building?

You've got a lot of potential!

A chemist sees a guy standing on the ledge of a very tall building...

...but keeps walking, because this problem is clearly in the realm of physics.

A guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building.

He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the same guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he reappears and repeats the whole thing. About half ...

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There's a bar on top of a really, really tall building and it's very windy outside.

A guy walks into the bar and has some drinks and is there for a few hours.
Another guy comes and sits next to him.
The first guy who has been there for a while looks at the man and says to him, "You know that there is a nice breeze outside and if you jump out it will blow you right back in."<...

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A man in a trench coat walks into a bar on the top floor of a tall building...

He sits at the bar and he orders a double, followed by another, and then another...

Across the bar he notices two gentlemen arguing back and forth about which one of them is the "bravest"...

The man in the trench coat finishes his third drink and sloshes his way over to the two argui...

Doctor doctor, whenever I climb to the top of a mountain or tall building and look down, I always get the compulsion to sing classical music!

Hmm. Sounds like you have a bad case of Verdigo.

Man in a hotel bar bets a man that the updrafts on the side of the tall building he can jump off the roof and safely land on the ground, softly...

The other guy says laughs it off, and the first guy says, "tell'em barkeep!"

Bartender sighs, "I've seen him do it."

Second man is rightly confused, but intrigued.

Five minutes later, he watches the man jump off, and last second slows and settles to the ground. He's in shock. W...

What an answer

A pilot is flying a small single engine plane with a lot of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 10m, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. ...

R/Science these days..

"Study shows that the tops of tall buildings are further from the ground than the tops of shorter buildings."

A young man walks up to the bar and sits down next to a young blonde woman.

As he sits down the 10 o’clock news comes on. The news team were at the scene of a man who was preparing to jump from a tall building.

The blonde looks over to the man and asks “Do you think he’ll do it?”.

The man answers “Yes, I think he probably will. In fact I’m willing to make a be...

A foreigner enters a country and gets a taxi.

On his way to the hotel he points at a tall building and asks the driver,'How long did it take to build that building?'. The driver responds, 'Two years.'. 'TWO YEARS! In my country it would have taken only Two months',The foreigner said.

After a while, the foreigner again asked,'How lon...

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

A country bumpkin goes to visit the Big City...

A country bumpkin goes to visit the Big City. He steps off the train and is blown away by all the people and the tall buildings. He stands in front of one and looks up. It's the tallest building he's ever seen!

There's a guy leaning on the building. He says, "Hey buddy, you like that building...

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump....

A blond and a brunette was watching the news

Showing was a man standing on top of a tall building yelling that he's gona jump.

The brunette looks at the blond and says "I bet you 200 dollars that guy is gona jump"

The blond thinks for a few seconds and takes the bet.

A few seconds later the man jumps off the building and ...

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Three men are at a bar drinking

The first man says “I bet you two I can jump off a building and land without a scratch on me!”

The second man says “You’re on!”

The three men leave the bar and climb to the top of a tall building. The first man says “watch this!” And jumps off the building.

A few minutes later h...

How do cannibals eat pancakes?

They wait by tall buildings.

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Wonder Woman

Superman and Flash are on the roof of a tall building, and they see Wonder Woman, naked, with her legs wide open, on the roof of the building next door.

Flash says to Superman, "I bet I could run over to her, have sex with her, and run off before she notices me." Superman agrees, and Flash r...

Jumping is flying for one second

Jumpinging off a tall building is flying for the rest of your life.

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position.

Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper "Where am I?" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: " You're inside a helicopter ". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Ev...

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The magic drink

A guy notices a new bar at the top of a tall building. Looking for a new place, he goes in. He sits next to a very drunk guy at the bar who turns to him immediately.
"This place has a magic drink, do you know about it?" The man responds no, but looks intrigued.
The drunk man orders a drink, ...

Military ranks

GENERAL:
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

COLONEL:
Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a spe...

Fly, baby, fly!

#

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building... he suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks: "why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?" The bl...

Long... Three builders...

Three builders are working on top of a tall building and decide to break for lunch. First guy opens his lunchbox and sees a ham and cheese sandwich. "I'm sick and tired of ham and cheese sandwiches, that's two weeks in a row now with nothing but ham and cheese sandwiches, if I get this tomorrow I'm ...

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"Santa Claus"

A girl is sitting at the edge of a tall building, contemplating suicide on Christmas day. Santa Claus sees the girl and sits down beside her.

"What's wrong my child?" asks the man.

"I have no job, no friends and no one who loves me and today i'm reminded of this even more.. there's no ...

My favorite Finnish joke

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He as...

A Scotsman goes to London

One day, a Scotsman traveled to the big city. He was impressed by all of the shops, tall buildings, and the bustle of city life. At one point, he came upon a storefront with a sign that read:

-Shirts: £3
-Trousers: £5
-Suit Coats: £10

"O'ch, that's a screaming good deal!" the Sc...

Seasonal joke I wrote (in Spanish)

I'm a native English speaker, and I wrote this joke while on vacation in Mexico at Christmas time:
I have no idea how to do accents - My Spanish is pretty much just spoken...
Que dijo la persona que estaba callendo de un edificio muy muy alto en diciembre?
Feliz gravidad!
(Translation: W...

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Happiness

Fred lost one of his arms in an accident. 


He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf. 

One day in despair he decided to commit suicide. 

He took a lift to the top of a very tall building, intending to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down when ...

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One day Superman was really bored...

So he was flying around killing time. Suddenly he sees Wonder Woman spreadeagled naked on top of a tall building.

He has always fancied Wonder Woman so he thinks now's my chance as he swoops down and faster than a speeding bullet, does the business and then he flies off again.

A moment...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a tall building and has a seat on an empty stool next to a guy with glasses. Our guy orders a beer, looks to his barstool neighbor and makes eye contact, lifts his pint in a silent toast, and enjoys a healthy swig.

"You know," interrupts the guy with...

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Superman is bored...

...because of a lack of crime one day. He starts flying around looking for something to do when he sees Batman. He flies down to Batman and says "Hey Batman, there's no crime today and I'm bored. Do you wanna hang out?"

"I can't. The Batmobile is broken and I have to fix it. Mayby later."
...

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So there's a new drink at the bar...

A man named Derek walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another man. The man looks over and says "Hey, have you heard of the new drink called 'Bounce'? It's amazing!"

Derek responds "Yeah? What's so special about it?"

In which the man replied "You wouldn't believe it, it makes you ...

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3 Construction Workers

There are 3 construction workers who are working on a very tall building. As lunch starts, they sit down on the top floor and prepare to eat their lunch.

The first guy opens his lunch box and says, "Ah man! Spaghetti again!?!? If I get spaghetti one more time, I'm gonna jump off this building...

Don't worry, God will save me...

Said the man to the policeman.
"Suit yourself," the cop said, "it's the apocalypse."
A little while later, a bus comes up to the man.
"Get in, we'll save you!"
"Don't worry," the man said, "God will save me."
"Suit yourself," they said, "it's the apocalypse."
The man went up ...

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

The taxi driver

A British and a United States Architects arrived at Soekarno-Hatta International Airport in Jakarta Indonesia for a Building Convention.

They knew each other, arrived at about the same time, planned to stay at the same hotel, and they have both been to Indonesia before, so they agreed to shar...

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The 32nd floor window

A young women just steps out of the shower and enters into her bedroom still naked, as it was the 32nd floor of a very tall building. But to her astonishment, she found a man in uniform, suspended in a steel rope and standing on a metal platform, wiping the window of her bedroom from the other side....

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