UPJOKE

Sue Me Jokes

Donald Trump finds a magic lamp. He rubs it, and a genie comes out.

Genie: "I grant you three wishes."

Trump: "I'm tired of getting sued for everything I do. I want there to be no more courts."

Genie: "Granted. You have no wishes left."

Trump: "What the hell? You told me I had three wishes, and I only used one!"

Genie: "Sue me."

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, you have no more wishes

Me: But you said 3

Genie: Sue me.

Someone tried to sue me over my bottomless pit

But there weren’t any grounds

I was shocked when my wife tried to sue me for impotence.

But thankfully, they couldn’t make it stand up in court.

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because OCT 31= DEC 25. (Yes, I realize I'm a day late on this, so sue me).

I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me

because I just had an allergic reaction.

I never really met my neighbors until they tried to sue me over the ownership of some property.

Turns out we had a lot in common.

A mechanic dies, and, not being a very religious man, gets sent to hell. While in hell, the mechanic meets Satan, and he is shown the ins and outs of Hell.

While wandering around, the mechanic starts doing the thing he's best at --
fixing stuff. In a matter of weeks, Hell has air conditioning, working TV's
and indoor plumbing, all being maintained and improved by the mechanic.

Seeing this from heaven, God calls Satan over and demands to ha...

I was going to make a social media platform called "Please Try Again Later",

but I figured Reddit would sue me for copyright violation.

A Genie grants a person 3 wishes

The genie says “I shall grant you 3 wishes, ask what you must”

The man replies “I want a world without lawyers”

“Granted, you have no more wishes left” said the genie

The man exclaimed “But wait! You said 3 wishes!”

Genie replied “Sue me”

What can I say? I enjoy going to court.

So sue me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In light of recent events, I am so scared that I have stopped masturbating....

....I am worried my dick will sue me for groping, sexual harassment and over-use!

Another parrot joke

A pet store owner had a parrot that he couldn't sell. It was a beautiful creature, but annoying. He put it in a cage outside the shop to get it out of his hearing and to attract a potential buyer. The parrot took in the scenery until it saw a woman across the street. The bird yelled, "HEY LADY! YOU'...

I know this guy, who's constantly gloating...

He inherited this ancient ming dynasty table from a dead relative and he wouldn't shut up about it. He didn't even seem to care that a family member had died. So one day I went over to his place to see this "amazing, priceless table" and when he went to the bathroom I sawed off all of it's legs. He ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?

QUESTION:You’re a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.


You are ...

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