UPJOKE

What do you call two bicycles that are stuck together?

Conjoined Schwinns

$100 Bills Stuck Together

An old lady was getting her will redone at her lawyer's office and paying her bill. Unknown to her there were two $100 bills stuck together. Right away the lawyer thinks to himself, 'Hmm I got an ethical problem'.
'Do I tell my partner'.

My parrots are stuck together...

Pet owner: Vet, vet, my parrots are stuck together!

Vet: I'm sorry, I don't understand - it's toucan fusing

Did you hear about the tropical birds who got stuck together?

Well I won't explain now, it's toucan fusing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are on their bed one night

Their marriage has been on the rocks lately, and the wife blames it on the newfound piousness of the husband. Even now, she's trying to sleep early for work tomorrow but the man still has the lamp on; reading his bible in silence.

She didn't mind it at first, but then her husband started losi...

When Canadians work on board cruise ships,

they need to get a document from the Canadian government called a Seaman’s Discharge Book.

Which is useless because all the pages are stuck together..

I've recently come into a large amount of money

Now it's all stuck together and I regret it

According to my dream journal, Scarlett Johansson has made 6 appearances this year.

But it might be 7, because some pages are stuck together.

A lawyer gets paid

A client owed his lawyer $100. He handed him a crisp, new $100 bill. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that he actually received two $100 bills stuck together. This presented him with a dilemma. Should he tell his partner or not.

Three little old ladies die in a car crash...

When they get to heaven, St. Peter is waiting to welcome them.
"Welcome, ladies," says Peter. "We only have one rule up here, don't step on the ducks."
The three little old ladies look around and notice there are ducks everywhere, thousands of them.
"Why all the ducks?" asks the first li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once asked my pastor what the Bible says about masturbation.

He told me it's difficult to say when all the pages are stuck together.

I have discovered there is something worse than finding your grandpa’s stash of playboy...

It’s figuring out the reason why some of the pages are stuck together!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know a guy who looks at so much porn on his phone-

His apps are stuck together.

A lawyer is about to go home for the night...

...when a client shows up, asking for his council. The lawyer decides to stay late and work with the client. Afterwards, the client asks how much he owes for the lawyer's time.
"One hundred dollars," the lawyer responds.

The client pays him and walks out, at which point the lawyer realiz...

Susie from the bar

I met a girl at the bar called Susie.

We went back to hers and things started heating up, she took of her clothes and asked me to put a finger inside.

I did, then she said put in another.
I did, then she said put in two more..
I did, then she says slide in your hand...
I did,...

Question from a Legal Ethics Law School Final Exam

A potential client comes into John's office and says he has been out of jail for 3 years and wants to check to make sure he is now officially off probation. John agrees to investigate. He tells the client it will cost him $100 if the matter can be handled with a simple phone call but he will have ...

On their way to get married a couple has a fatal car accident.

The couple are sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter turn up to register them. While waiting they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.


St. Peter says, "I don’t know, this is the first time anyone ever asked...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Respect and Blowjobs

A girl and boy meet in high school and fall in love. They do everything together and eventually lose their virginity to one another, but the girl refuses to give him a blowjob. "I'm sorry," she says. "I love you so much and I'd do anything else in the world for you, but I'm afraid you'd lose resp...

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