UPJOKE

So Soft Jokes

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

He conditioned it.

My wife asked me why I spoke so softly in the house.

I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!

She laughed.

I laughed.

Alexa laughed.

Siri laughed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a new store to get some toilet paper

He approaches the clerk and asks are there any brands he recommends.

"Why yes sir! I make all my own products and we've something to suit everybody. This one I call Bob Ross"

"Why have you named it that?"

"Cos it's so gentle your ass will feel so relaxed and nice afterwards sir...

My first time. [SFW]

The sky was dark, the moon was high. All alone just she and I. Her hair was soft, her eyes were blue, I knew just what she wanted to do. Her skin so soft, Her legs so fine. I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn't know how, but I tried my best I placed my hand upon her breast. I remember my fear, m...

Adam and God discus women

Adam says to God, “God, why did you make women so soft?” God says, "So that you will like them.” Adam says, "God, why did you make women so warm and cuddly?” God says, “So that you will like them. "Adam says to God, “But, God, why did you make them so stupid?” God says, “So that they will like you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and God are walking through the Garden of Eden....

and Adam asks God, "Hey God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?"
And God replies, "So you would always want to look at her my son."
Adam asks, "So, why did you make her smell so good?"
God replies,"So you would always want to be around her my son."
Adam asks, "Well, why did you make her ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open.

His head felt fuzzy. His eyes sticky. Dusty Hill Blinked his eyes open. "Wake up Dusty" said a familiar voice. His eyes focused, his brain whirled. It couldn't be who it seemed to be. Jimi mother fucking hendrix?

.

"Wake up Dusty. It's showtime!" Said the coolest voice ev...

A father and his son are playing Hide and Seek...

To make sure his father doesn't peek while counting, the son goes to get something to blindfold his father with. As he begins to tie the fabric around his father's closed eyes, the father comments, "Oh! Whatever you're using, it feels so soft and smells so clean!"

"It's a tie, Dad."

It was hard and wet for her

(Based on a true story)

An economics professor was hard of hearing, so she couldn’t hear her students. She spoke so softly that her students couldn’t hear her either, so they fell asleep during class—except for one class when she said the words “It was hard and wet for her!” loudly and c...

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