UPJOKE

So Low Jokes

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the birthrate in Japan so low?

Last time they had a little boy, 66,000 people died.

I don’t understand why my credit score is so low.

Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.

I'm appalled and really can't believe all the tasteless jokes about the Titanic submarine.

Seriously, how can people sink so low?

Air pollution is so low

That my wife is able to see her mistakes

How could anyone stoop so low?

said the dwarf when he got pickpocketed.

I'm confused as to why my credit score is so low...

My bank says I have an OUTSTANDING balance on my card!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Russians are getting so low on guns in the Ukraine invasion that Ivan was given a broomstick with a banana tied to it instead.

What am I supposed to do with this he asked his CO? Don't be ungrateful for what glorious Mother Russia has given you he answered, just point it at the enemy and say "Bangety Bang Bang". OK, I guess I can try that Ivan said, what's the banana for though? That's a bayonet you stupid ass said the CO, ...

Lately my self esteem has been so low...

Even in the shower I sing backup vocals.

My self esteem is so low....

The other night my hand told me that it had a headache.

Why did the miner feel so low?

He was in a deep depression.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dwarf once offered me money for a blowjob.

I'd never stoop so low.

I was shocked...

I was shocked to read in the papers today that a short person had been pickpocketed. I just thought to myself “How could someone stoop so low?”

The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath.

However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.

My favourite joke

So a guy goes into a pub, walks up to the bar and asks for a pint.

The barman replies: one pound please. The guy says back: only one pound?!
The barman replies: aye only a pound.

The guy takes his pint and enjoys it and after a few more pints at a pound each the guy feels cheeky....

A man walks into a bar and orders a pint

“That’ll be 2 dollars” replied the barkeep.

“That’s it? How much are your burgers?”

“Those are also 2 dollars” he replied.

“How are your prices so low, are you the owner?”

“No, I’m a friend of the owner.”

“Well, where’s the owner?”

“He’s upstairs with my wif...

A man is planning on taking a vacation but is afraid of flying

He is afraid of someone bombing the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn’t worry about it.

He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so lo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read in the news that someone stole the wallet of Peter Dinklage when he was out for a walk.

I mean—-who would stoop so low?

What Star Wars character would be best at limbo?

Han So Low

Signs of our times

My brother says hiring in California is so low, they updated the policy - Long hair freaky people "may" apply.

I was walking down the street the other day when I noticed someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don’t understand how anyone could stoop so low.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the old french lady

Heard a story once about an old French lady who'd run a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop. They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said "Butter - 10 francs".
In response, the lady adde...

Trump walks into a bar....

Because it was set so low.

Did you hear about the bass vocalist who decided to leave the choir?

He wanted to see how well he would do as a SO LOW singer

My girlfriend left me today to be with someone who was a dwarf. I'm heartbroken.

I didn't know she could stoop so low...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke my dad's friend told me when I was way too young

Going off the dome for this one but it's been burned in my head since I was 8; apologies if it's been told before (couldn't find a direct post). Also, this joke, is uh, from a different era? Apologies again.

There was a woman who found herself recently single after her abusive husband suddenl...

Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA group.

I've never seen Han so low.

A joke to tell at DnD. Why are Dwarf pubs so bad?

Because they set the bar so low.

My friend,who is a little person,got pickpocketed on his way home from work...

How could anyone stoop so low.

Translated Indian Joke

A man is leaving his village for the first time to visit the big city. His fellow villagers don't want him to get ripped off, so they give him some advice - never agree to the seller's price... always ask for half the price.

So the man arrives at the city, and sees an umbrella store. He heads...

Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket?

Because he didn’t think anyone could stoop so low.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Hey Amazon I wanna buy something

Amazon: Ok, but you need to find $25 worth of items to get free shipping

Me: Why's that?

Amazon: Because our prices are so low, only if you buy $25 can we cover our shipping costs

Me: Ok, I found 3 items that total $25 and pushed the Order button

Amazon: Great! Here are y...

How did the lone bass singer blow away the audience?

By singing so low.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two breast implants were arguing. After very insulting comment the other replied:

”That was so low, now you’re making an ass of yourself.”

OC. Using my time on the train productively. Sorry.

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