UPJOKE

So Loud Jokes

Apparently I snore so loudly that

I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.

My wife asked me why I always have to sneeze so loudly.

I told her, it’s not that I HAVE to….

Achoos to

My girlfriend is so loud and bulimic….

I’m always telling her to “keep it down”

My upstairs neighbor was yelling so loudly at her daughter...

...that I cleaned my room too and put on my pajamas.

Why do the Dutch walk so loudly?

Wooden shoe?

My daughter just told me this and it made me laugh more than it should have...

Teacher: What was that noise?

Student: Sorry, my jacket fell on the floor.

Teacher: Why was it so loud?

Student: Because I was wearing it when it fell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Kasparov beat Carlsen I cheered so loud I nearly lost my voice.

Now I’m a hoarse chess nut.

Why is Nicolas Cage's radio so loud?

He doesn't know how to turn things down

the stranded woman and the kind indian

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes...

Why is it so loud in Costco?

Everything comes in high volumes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down ...

Why are tennis equipment factories so loud?

Because everyone's making a racket.

I am a type of fish that becomes SO loud in Sweden. Who am I?

Yellyfish.

I tried eating with one of my war buddies, but he chewed so loudly.

It was like, 'Nam 'Nam 'Nam...

The vacation in Thailand

Two Priests decided to go to Thailand on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.

For once, they’d enjoy a vacation as regular people.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought ...

Got caught peeing in the pool

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the local swimming pool today and was bursting for a piss, so I went down to the deep end, I got caught, the pool attendant blew his whistle so loud.

I nearly fell in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guys were on a bike tour. ...

No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.


The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. ...

A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle."

His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is."

A man is involved in a minor car accident and starts screaming and shouting like a baby

A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?"
The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"

Every hotel room was taken.

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.