UPJOKE

So Cold Jokes

It was so cold in D.C. today...

that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

I know why this entire country has gotten so cold.

It's because Trump stopped blowing hot air that kept all of us warm.

Son: Dad why is our food so cold and bland?

Dad: It's because your mother put her heart and soul into it.

Why is space so cold?

Because we have all the space heaters down here.

I feel so cold using the computer.

Because I opened too many windows.

why is it so cold in a stadium

Because there are lots of fans

Why is your injured girlfriend so cold to you?

Because she is a sore bae.

It's so cold outside...

...the local flasher just described himself to me

In Minnesota, it gets so cold...

...that you can eat softserve directly from the udder!

If Russia is so cold...

Why did they lose the cold war?

It's so cold outside...

even the ATM shows minus.

Its so cold outside today

I was mugged by a guy using a water pistol.

It's so cold outside....

You could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!

It's so cold I can....

see my farts!

A priest and a nun in a desert cabin

A priest and a nun are caught in a blizzard.

They find a deserted cabin and take shelter.

They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets.

The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.

As they get tucked in for the...

The temperature is so cold outside...

that if you make your girlfriend wet, you also make her hard.

It's so cold...

Harvey Weinstein is keeping his hands to himself.

It’s so cold up North right now...

...that they are telling Wal-Mart shoppers to wear at least two pairs of pajamas.

Why is Danearys so cold?

7" of Snow

Why do they have the A/C on so cold in hospitals?

To keep the vegetables nice and cool.

Why are bank offices so cold?

They're trying to freeze their assets.

Why was the paint on the wall so cold?

It needed more coats!!

I was so cold today that my jaw started to freeze...

So I gritted my teeth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the...

1 and 2 went out for a walk in the snow.

1's hands got so cold that they went numb.

2's hands and feet both got cold, so he was even number.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a little sparrow who decided to be different from all the other birds by not flying south for the winter.

Needless to say, it soon got so cold that the little bird reluctantly started south anyway. A storm blew in, the little bird grew cold, and ice formed on his wings which caused him to fall to the ground in a barnyard. A cow wandered by and shit on him. This may seem terrible, but it warmed the po...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An amish girl and her mom are riding home in a horse drawn carriage

Daughter: "Mom, my hands are so cold."

Mother: "Stick your hands between your legs and your body heat will keep them warm."

So the daughter does this and she is amazed how warm her hands got. So the next night she is with her boyfriend running errands:

Boyfriend: "Wow, it is col...

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