UPJOKE

Run Out Of Jokes

Doctor: sorry sir but your body has run out of magnesium

Me: 0mg

Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

Everytime I eat rice, I run out of breath.

My doctor believes I am Basmatic.

My computer keeps screaming at me that it's run out of memory

But it's all bark and no byte

3 women are on a ship that’s run out of fuel

There’s an island in the distance so the brunette decides to make a swim for it. She swims 100metres but drowns.

The redhead decides to have a go. She swims 500metres but drowns.

The blonde has no choice. She gets in the water, swims 1 mile and gets within 100metres of the island. She ...

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

Two angels run out of weed...

One angel is very upset but the other consoles him. "fear not," he says and points at Jesus. "for he has resin."

I was out camping recently when I found out that I had run out of toilet roll…

So I took a leaf out of Bear Grylls’ book.

I've run out of toilet paper and started to use old newspapers instead.

The Times are rough

What happens when you run out of manure on a farm?

You have to make doo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple has run out of money..

They decide that the only solution is that the wife turn to the oldest profession to help them make ends meet.

The husband drops her off at the street corner and tells her he'll be back to pick her up at the end of the night.

When he arrives to pick her up he asks: "So, how much did y...

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[Old Joke] Three explorers are lost in the desert and have run out of food....

Just when they're on the verge of giving up, though, they come across a freshly-dead camel.

"Thank goodness for that!" the first one exclaims. "We can eat this camel!"

"How should we divide it up?" asks the second.

"Well," the first one says, "I'm a Liverpool supporter, so I'll ...

A journalist is sentenced to die at the gallows, but they run out of rope

He says: "I guess no noose is good news"

What do Germans do when they run out of beer?

They wine

A Rabbi and a Priest run out of a burning school.

The Priest stops and says,"What about the children?"

The Rabbi replies,"Screw the children!"

The Priest asks,"Do you think we have time?"

"Sorry," says the bartender, "I've run out of jokes. Besides, haven't you got this backwards?"

A punchline walks into a bar.

I seem to have run out of tea...

What a catastrotea.

If I ever run out of dad jokes....

I’ve always got daylight savings time puns to fall back on

Two Nuns run out of gas...

Two Nuns run out of gas a mile from the gas station.

They are rummaging around the car for a gas can, or some other container to hold the fuel but all they can find is a bed pan.

So they take the bed pan and walk the mile to the station, fill the pan and walk back to the car.
...

If you run out of weed...

Try burning the Quran instead, it will also get you stoned.

What do you call a pen that has run out of ink?

a has-pen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it worse for trappers when they run out of toilet paper?

They have to wipe their butts with their bear hands.

When I’m about to run out of toilet paper I always bring two new rolls to the bathroom

an heir and a spare for the throne!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For people in Australia who run out of toilet paper right now

it is a really shitty situation

I'll never run out of protein powder

There'd be no whey!

Why did the brothel run out of money?

Why did the brothel run out of money? Because all of the investors pulled out.

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How can you tell if a Turian has run out of ammo?

He switches to the stick up his ass as a backup weapon.

In america you run out of money

In Soviet Russia you run out of country

Why did Carrie Underwood run out of cheese?

Because Jesus took the wheel.

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Three men run out of gas at a farm in the middle of nowhere.

Nothing is in sight and the nearest gas station was far beyond walking distance.


The three men decide to knock on the door and ask the farmer for gas. The farmer agrees to give them gas but only in exchange for a favor. His daughter was desperate to be laid.


The men looked at e...

What do Grateful Dead fans say when they run out of drugs?

Hey guys, what's that horrible music?

Source: A friend who followed the Dead around told me this years ago.

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Whats the difference between a politician and a hooker?

A hooker will stop fucking you once you run out of money.

Edit: As somebody observed below, this joke is as old as the sun, yet never gets old.

Considering all the comments, it's a fair conclusion that hookers would make honest politicians, if there is such a thing.

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

What do you call an ion engine which has run out of fuel?

An ioff engine

Why shouldn't you worry if you run out of bread at an Indian restaurant?

Because it's a naan issue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

With all of the craziness at the grocery stores we've run out of toilet paper at my house and had to resort to using newspaper.

These Times are rough.

Quarantine has been hard. I've run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves. It's only going to get worse, though...

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

When your writing becomes visible.

What do you say to grasslands that have run out of nutrients and can no longer support grazing livestock like they used to?

You're pasture prime.

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