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Roman Centurion Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Roman centurion goes to the movie theater. When the movie's over, he asks for a refund.

"No one told me that my movie was going to be a pornographic one," the centurion tells the ticket-taker.

The ticket-taker says, "Sir, look at the marquee. It says right here what kind of movies we play here."

Looking back up at the marquee, the centurion responds "You lie! There are ...

There's a man named Johnson who owns a nail company, Johnson Nails.

Business had been slow lately, so Johnson figures he might want to try putting out a youtube video to drum up some business.

He goes to an advertising agency and meets a man named Jim who assures him he can make the perfect ad for Johnson's company. He tells Johnson to come back the nex...

A Roman Centurion

Went into a Tavern,
Held up 2 fingers and said
"5 beers please."

Roman Centurion walks into a bar...

...holds up two fingers and says, "I'll have five beers, please."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two roman centurions met up while on the road.

A roman centurion remarked to another: "Guess how women many I had sex with?"

Second roman centurion: "mmm"

First centurion: "Jeez not that many!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Roman Centurion walks into a bar....

“What can I get you?” says the barman

“I’d like a Martinum please.”

“Do you mean a martini?”

“If I want a fucking double I’ll ask.”

A Roman Centurion walks into a bar . . .

The Centurion says, “I’ll have a martinus.”
The bartender replies, “Oh, you mean a martini.”
The Centurion slams his fist on the table and yells, “If I wanted a double, I would’ve said so!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke as old as the roman Empire

This is so old I might as well tell it with two Roman centurions.

Two centurions are walking down a street in Rome one day. They come upon an alley where a dog is licking his dick.

"I wish I could do that," the first centurion says.

The second one says, "You'd better pet him fir...

Murphy’s Nails

Two brothers start up a company that manufactures nails, one is in charge of sales and the other marketing. They needed a commercial, so the one in charge of marketing got to work.

A few weeks later he excitedly shows the footage to his brother. It starts with a wide shot of a mob of people ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that Jesus is gay?

Yeah. It says it in the Bible. He got nailed by a few Roman centurions.

Champion Nails is in trouble.....

Stan owns Champion nails the company. Sales are well down. One night he meets an old friend in the local pub. (Its a nice old pub, with a lovely barmaid with a beautiful rack, and hops and things hanging everywhere). Anyway, Stan is telling his old friend - Chester, how things are not going well and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Variations of a nail joke. (Heard at a Ren Faire, modified)

The Goldman Nails company is trying to bolster business. They start a contest to create an advertisement for the business. The first submission is from an older lady.

It starts with a man with a beard in a white robe hammering away at wood. The shot pulls back to reveal an massive wooden s...

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