My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Rolls Royce.

Wow,” I said. “That’s an amazing car.”

He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year!”

Bob is walking down the street when he says his old friend John passing in a brand new Rolls Royce

On seeing his old friend, John pulls over to say hello.

Bob sees the Rolls Royce and exclaims," Wow, how did you get the great car?"

John says," So I was going out for a walk on a sunny afternoon when a beautiful woman pulled over in this Rolls Royce and asked if I wanted a lift, so I ...

A very wealthy man goes in a New Your bank and loans $10, leaving his Rolls Royce for collateral.

He then goes on a trip overseas, and returns a month later. He immediately goes to the bank, pays the $10 plus 5 cents interest, and turns to leave.

The president of the bank can't contain himself, and rushes up to the man to ask "Why did you borrow $10 when you're so rich? And why leave a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral.

"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man wal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rolls Royce and a Mini

A Rolls Royce and a Mini pull up at the lights together. The guy in the Mini looks at the guy in the Rolls Royce and presses a button to lower his window. The guy in the Rolls Royce smiles and presses the button for his window to go down and with beautiful precision the window smoothly rolls down. ...

My new Rolls Royce

I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.

A snail hits the lotto and goes into a Rolls Royce dealership and orders his car to have a giant "S" painted on the doors.

When asked why he wanted it, he replied "I want everyone who sees me to say 'look at that S car go!'"

For my cake day, here's the oldest joke in my email, sent to me in 1996.

In honor of my cake day, I'm sharing the oldest joke in my email archive, that was sent to me on September 17, 1996.



Three unrelated men happen to die on the same day and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gates and says "Congratulations! You've all made it to Heaven. Now, de...

"How was your blind date?"

A college student asked her 21 year old roommate.

"Terrible!" The roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

A young aristocratic woman pulls up to a large New York bank in her Rolls Royce.

She parks in front of the bank and goes inside where she is greeted by a banker.

"Hi, Sir. I would like to take out a loan using my Rolls Royce as collateral" the woman says to the banker.

"Yes ma'am. How much money will you need to borrow?" he asks.

"$500.00 please" says the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy takes his Rolls Royce for a service...

A guy takes his Rolls Royce into the dealership for a service.
They drive it into the service bay and the chief mechanic decides to let the new trainee clean up the interior to give him something to do.
He's vacuuming the carpets in the front footwell when he finds a golf tee.
He has no id...

The Smart Blonde

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, park...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A classroom of kids were learning all about common English proverbs. (LONG)

The teacher asked if anyone had a proverb they could talk about - the kids all put their hands up, including Little Johhny at the back. But the teacher chose Susie: "What's your story, Susie?"

"Well, Miss, my dad jumped into a creek and broke his leg on a big branch just under the water!"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman visits her mother and tell her she's divorcing her husband.

The mother replies:

But why? Your husband is super kind, good looking and is a millionaire. You're living in a castle, you're driving a rolls royce, you even have butlers!

Yes mother, but he is obsessed with anal sex. Everyday ha wants to put it in my ass.

Before i met him my as...

An American politician invites an Indian minister to his home.

The AP shows the Indian minister his Rolls Royce.

"Beautiful isn't it?" He asks the minister.

"Hmm, Yes it is"

"Wanna know how I could afford to buy it?"
*the AP points in a direction*
"You see that bridge over there? 5% of its building funds went into my pockets"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys go to heaven

St Peter at the gate greets them and says ‘Alright. We’ve just built some new roads up here and we need to get you each a car. Depending on how faithful you were to your wives will determine the quality of the car. Sound good?’
1st Guy: ‘I was happily married thirty years with my wife and never c...

One day, legendary musician Sting becomes bored of music, and decides to try his luck at day trading.

He does a few online courses and begins trading.

On the first day Sting loses some money, but learns from it, and unpertrubed by the small losses he continues with it. On the second day, Sting loses a bit less, and learns even more. Happy with the results, he decides to sink some more money i...

Three men ascend to heaven and they meet St Peter at the pearly gates.



St. Peter makes it clear to the men that they can only come in if they’ve never drunk, never smoked and never been unfaithful to their wife. The first man steps up and says: “Hiya Pete, I’ve never smoked, never drunk and never been unfaithful to my wife.”

The first man gets the nod o...

3 guys end up at the pearly gates...

St. Peter asks the first guy if/how many times he had cheated on his wife. He answers twice. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Honda Civic. The second guy gets asked the same question and he responds once. St. Peter says, “Shame on you,” and hands him the keys to a Harley D...

A husband and wife were having dinner...

...at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and asks, "Who the hell was that?"

The husband answers "Oh, she's my mistress."

The wife an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jew praying to god

A Jew having no children, no money, no home and a blind mother, prays sincerely to God to improve his life.

God is very pleased with his prayer, and grants him one wish, just one!

The Jew says OK God, thanks, my one and only wish is - 'I want my Mom to see my wife putting one hundred m...

A Cypriot Joke translated to English!

Two best friends depart their ways from High School to go abroad to make lots of money.

Many years later they meet up at a local a beach Costas says to Andrea how did you get on while abroad did you make a lot of money? Nah he said i been sitting here all these years drinking beers!

Co...

A married man dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the pearly gates, he's greeted by Saint Peter who explains the rules. "Heaven is a very big place so everyone who enters is assigned a vehicle", he says. "The status of your vehicle corresponds with how faithful you were in your marriage." Since our hero only cheated on his wife o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

OH Henry

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memoria...

Money doesn't buy happiness

But I would rather cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle

A man goes into a restaurant with an ostrich

They sit down and order:

'I'd like a hamburger, fries and a Coke,' says the man, then turns towards the ostrich. 'And you?'

'The same', says the ostrich.

A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and the bill.

'$6.40,' she says.

The man takes out the exact ...

Nice Car!

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A banker's son, an investor's son and a farmer's son were going to prom.

But the day before the prom, the principal made it a requirement for all students to arrive in limousines.

As the banker's son entered through the school gates in a Mercedes Maybach, the engine roared, and all the girls cheered.

"Nice limousine." Said the school security guard.

...

In heaven, in order to see what vehicle you will be given, Peter must ask you a question...

The first man comes up, and Peter asks,

"Have you ever cheated on your wife?"

The man answers, "no never!" Peter replies, "ok, you get a Rolls Royce."

A second man comes up, Peter asks him the same question and he answers, "well once or twice, but only in the first year!"
<...

Three men arrive at a checkpoint near the gates of heaven

The first man walks up to god, who is reading the summary of his deeds before deciding which vehicle he is to use to drive to heavens gates with.

"I see you were quite unfaithful with your wife, cheating on her a total of three times." The man looks down in shame. "You are to drive up to heav...

Smart blonde joke

Whoah, I know. Here it is: so a blonde walks into a bank and asked to borrow a $500 loan. The bank needs some colleratal so she gives the bank her Rolls Royce. After a couple of months she comes back and promptly pays the loan back. The bank clerk asked why she borrowed the money if she could pay it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favorite jew jokes.

3 Jewish mothers get together for lunch one day at a fancy restaurant on the upper east side in Manhattan. They haven't seen each other in years, so the conversation naturally, turns to their sons. The first one says, "My Moishe...he's the best doctor in all of New York. Celebrities see him. Michael...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He Has No Class

Donald Trump lands aboard Air Force One at Heathrow, and deplanes to a long red carpet. He walks to where Queen Elizabeth II is waiting to welcome him with much pomp and circumstance.

They are ushered into a new silver Rolls Royce, then chauffeured to Buckingham Palace.

After tea, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night

Billy was a rich prince who had had many women before, but he wanted the perfect one for marriage, to extend his dynasty and satisfy his old grandma queen. He thought his future wife should be a perfect virgin of rare innocence, so he started an ''audition'', picking up girls in his Rolls Royce and ...

A snail walks into a car dealership...

and is immediately greeted by a salesman.

"I want your finest car", says the snail.

So the salesman drives up in a brand new, pearl white fully loaded Rolls Royce.

The snail is very excited. "Excellent. Now before I pay for this car, is there something else you can do for me?"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wheels in heaven

There are three men standing in line to get into heaven, and St. Peter tells them, " Congratulations on getting it this far guys! You have all been deemed righteous enough to enter heaven, but we still like to give people a token to remind them of how they behaved in their marriages. And so, every p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 15 year old girl got pregnant.

After few days she told her mother about it.

Mother: "WHO IS THE FATHER? CALL THAT SON OF A BITCH NOW".

30 minutes later, a Rolls Royce Phantom stops in front of their house.

A matured grey haired man in a very expensive suit steps out.

Man: "I am sorry for the situation....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The local synagogue is having their annual raffle...

A man walks to the stage and begins to announce the winners.

"4th prize goes to Moshe Goldstein, who wins a Rolls Royce!" There is huge applause. Moshe goes up to collect his keys and shake hands.

"3rd prize, which goes to Shmuel Cohen, is a Rolls Royce and a check for $10,000!" Agai...

Three friends die and go to heaven..

..when they get there, they see St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter greets them and tells them that to enter heaven they must each answer one question, completely honestly.

St. Peter calls the first man up and asks him if he ever cheated on his wife. The man tells St. Peter, "I never...

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend........

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"
"Why is that?" her mom asked.
"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"
"Isn't that a good thing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elephant and a mouse are walking through the jungle

As they are walking through the jungle, the mouse falls in a hole, and yells up to the elephant, "Mr. Elephant! Mr. Elephant! I need your help!" The elephant lowers his penis into the hole, and the mouse scurries up and gets out of the hole.

They continue walking through the jungle, when the ...

The VW Genie

A man was driving his brand new Rolls Royce. At the signal this beaten up Beetle stops next to him, and tells him "Nice car! I'm willing to swap you with my car for a $1,000,000"
The rich guy looks at him and says "why would I want your car?"
At this point the VW's driver rubs the steering whe...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.