A retired man named Dave took a part-time job at a small woodshop, but every morning, he was late.
Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. The owner wasn't too upset because Dave was great with customers, but one day he got curious.
"Hey Dave," the owner asked. "What did they say at your last job when you came in late all the time?"
"They said the same thing no matter what tim...
A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began...
...One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walke...
A retired man is driving his brand new, top end sports car down an empty road and decides to open it up...
(Sorry if this joke has been told on here before)
All of a sudden he sees flashing lights behind him. Speeds up at first, thinks better of it, slows down and pulls over.
Cop comes up to the window and says to the man "I got you for speeding, but I would like to know why you sped up bef...
An old and retired man walk passed a woman who shouted “Help! My son has swallowed a dime!”
The man leapt into action. He grabbed the boy by the ankles, turned him upside down, and shook him for a solid 5 minutes.
And... pling! There landed the dime on the pavement.
Gratefully, the woman said, “Oh, thank you so much, sir!”. Then she paused a while and asked “Did you use to...
A recently retired man decides to buy his dream car
A brand new 2015 Chevy Corvette. As he's leaving the dealership with his new purchase, he decides to open it up on the road and see what his car can do. He's flying down the road at about 130 mph when he sees the red and blue sirens behind him trying to keep up. He pushes the pedal to the floor, kno...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A Western Omelet
A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...
Happy Retirement
My friends that still work ask me frequently what I do every day, now that I'm retired. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and entered a shop; I wasn't there for even five minutes.
When I exited, a cop was filling out a ticket for double-parking. I quickly approached him and sai...
Retired golf vacation in Hawaii...
A man retires after 35 years at the same job and decides to take his first retirement vacation in Hawaii with his wife. He is really looking forward to two weeks of sightseeing and golf. The day they arrive, he signs up for pro golf lessons at the beautiful Pebble Beach Country Club. After a night o...
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