UPJOKE

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Girl, you remind me of an alarm clock...

...you were a good idea last night but now I just want you to shut the fuck up

Damn girl, you remind me of the Canadian wildfires….

..You take my breath away.

You remind me of Jupiter

Equally big, and eats everything.

Doc: you remind me of my cell phone

Lady: why?

Doc: Because you're about to die

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I had sex with this girl that would constantly remind me of her age

I guess it's a German thing

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

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Girl, you remind me of a cigarette

Because I wanna get you lit and put your butt in my mouth

Why do men in tight pants remind me of a cheap hotel?

No ball-room.

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My GF is really starting to remind me of my dog...

We cuddle, I take her out every now and then, we walk together, I feed her...

And in exchange, we have sex!

Politicians in the US remind me of British teeth.

Some are sharp, most are white, and all are crooked.

My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.

[Pulling out]

Me: Excuse me, what?

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What does Donald Trump say before sex?

You remind me of my daughter

Why does high school remind me of Fortnite?

Because you hop off a bus and shoot everyone you see

My lights remind me of my uncle

Because I turned them both on

You remind me of Dracula.

You suck.

My love, you remind me the sea...

Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?

No

I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.

Not really.

So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?

Nope.

So what is it then?

You mak...

You remind me of Communism

no class at all

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'You remind me of a stallion,' said my wife.

'Big cock?' I said, smiling, rather flattered.



'No, you leave your shit everywhere,' she replied.

Hey Cutie, you remind me of my little toe you know that?

Why? Because Im cute?

No Because When Im drunk later on tonight, Im gonna bang you on the coffee table. ;)

Anti-vaxxers remind me of the show GLEE

Both haven't aged well

On my birthday, my grandfather pulled me aside and said, “You remind me so much of your father.”

I said, “Wow! Thanks, Grandpa.”

Grandfather: Your father was a disappointment too.

My ex-partners privates remind me of the sky

Every person on Earth has seen them

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Fireworks remind me of sex..

I'm always surprised when it lasts more than a few seconds.

I told a girl that her eyes remind me of stars.

"Oh, you mean bright and shiny? :)"

"No, they're really far apart."

What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?

You remind me of someone

I get so annoyed when my wife reminds me to fix something.

If I said I’m going to fix it, I’ll fix it.
There’s no need to remind me about it every three months.

Sour patch kids remind me of my mom.

She was sour, sweet, then gone.

You know that show naked and afraid? It remind me of a game I played with my uncle.

It’s a joke! I know it’s dark. Sorry.

A lot of redditors who post in r/Jokes remind me of Carlos Mencia

Not just because they steal jokes but they're fat and stupid too.

A good psychologist once advised me to shut out all the negative people that remind me of my dark past and move on

It's been more than a month since I've gone to him and I am already starting to feel better

You remind me of my appendix...

You remind me of my appendix. I have no idea what you do, but I'd love to take you out.

The birds fighting outside remind me of Donald Trump...

No matter how angry they get, the most they can muster is angry sounding tweets.

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Remind me to tell you the crazy story about the last time I flushed a toilet.

Shit went down.

I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her.

The screen has a massive crack in it.

You remind me of Monday...

Because nobody likes you

boy: You remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet.

girl: But there's 26 letters.

boy: Silly me, how could I forget the U R A Q T

girl: That's 25 you are still missing one.

boy: I'll show you the D later.

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In the wake of Trump meeting the "President of Virgin Islands", it remind me the two sides of Trump's brain: "left" and "right"...

In the left side, there's nothing right.

In the right side, there's nothing left.

"You remind me of this hooker i knew." "You knew a hooker?"

hey you don't call her that, she's your mother.

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