UPJOKE

You Remind Me Of Jokes

You remind me of Jupiter

Equally big, and eats everything.

Doc: you remind me of my cell phone

Lady: why?

Doc: Because you're about to die

Damn girl, you remind me of the Canadian wildfires….

..You take my breath away.

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Girl, you remind me of a cigarette

Because I wanna get you lit and put your butt in my mouth

You remind me of Dracula.

You suck.

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Girl, you remind me of an alarm clock...

...you were a good idea last night but now I just want you to shut the fuck up

You remind me of Communism

no class at all

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'You remind me of a stallion,' said my wife.

'Big cock?' I said, smiling, rather flattered.



'No, you leave your shit everywhere,' she replied.

boy: You remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet.

girl: But there's 26 letters.

boy: Silly me, how could I forget the U R A Q T

girl: That's 25 you are still missing one.

boy: I'll show you the D later.

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What does Donald Trump say before sex?

You remind me of my daughter

You remind me of Monday...

Because nobody likes you

What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?

You remind me of someone

Hey Cutie, you remind me of my little toe you know that?

Why? Because Im cute?

No Because When Im drunk later on tonight, Im gonna bang you on the coffee table. ;)

"You remind me of this hooker i knew." "You knew a hooker?"

hey you don't call her that, she's your mother.

Two old men sitting on a park bench

Two old men were sitting on a park bench watching the young women jog by. One jogger stops and gets upset at the attention. "Just who are you staring at, old man?" she asks.

He drops his head and apologizes saying "I'm sorry, but you remind me of my dear wife. She was a dark haired beauty jus...

A happily married couple

There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?"My name is Elizabeth, but my friends call me Liz," the woman replied.The intruder s...

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A businessman is called up for an IRS audit….

A businessman is called up for an IRS audit. He’s really flustered and goes to his accountant for advice.

“Make sure you dress up like a guy who is on the edge of losing money. It will convince the IRS that you are not hiding anything.”

Not satisfied, he goes to his lawyer. He is told...

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I was fucking this older woman

She said, “You know, you remind me of my son.”

I said, “Let's not make this weird, gran.”

My Hubby

My hubby said to me, "you remind me of a pepper pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

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A completely drunk man gets on the bus.

He sees a woman and mumbles to her:
- Excuse me, you remind me of my wife.
She says: "Sit down, you fucking soak!"
- Oh, you even sound like her.

My wife doesn't realize I'm not complimenting her cooking

When I say "you remind me of Gordon Ramsay"

Hey guys, What's the best compliment you can give to a girl you're flirting with?

"You remind me of my cousin"

But, it only works in Kentucky.

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Yasser Arafat calls George Bush the morning of 9/11.

"Speaking in behalf of all my population, I am truly sickened by the tragedy that happened and I wanted to assure you that we do not condone terrorist acts in any form or way."

"Sorry Yasser, but what are you talking about?"

"Oh shit guys why didn't you remind me of the different timez...

A good-looking woman

A good-looking woman, maybe in her 60s, waked into a bar and sat at the counter next to a dapper gentleman, also in his 60s.
"You remind me of my third husband," she softly remarked.
Startled, he asked, "How many husbands have you had?"
"Two," she said, as a smile crossed her face.

Atheist v Catholic

An atheist and a Catholic were having a conversation. 'You know, I feel sorry for you', said the Catholic. 'You're like a blind man with a blindfold in a pitch black room, searching for a black cat that isn't there'.
'Funny you should say that', said the atheist, 'Because you remind me of a blin...

This guy sites down next to a pretty young girl at a bar

This guy sites down next to a pretty young lady at a bar and they strike up a conversation. The conversation is going pretty well, so the guy says "you remind me of my little toe." The lady, who is a bit confused, responds "is that because I'm small and cute?" The guy responds "no, it's because I'm ...

The Late Wife (@midnite)

A man goes to a bar and notices a fairly attractive woman. He stares at her for a very long time and she begins to become concerned. Was he crazy? Did he know her from somewhere? She tried to pass it off but an hour later the man had yet to shift his gaze. A little drunk, and stricken with 'courage'...

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