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Record Holder Jokes

Good News! I've just become the leap frog world record holder

On the downside I'm now banned from ever entering any mosque again!

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Chris Pratt, Jesus, and Hitler are sitting in a bar...

Jesus, Chris Pratt, and Hitler are sitting at a bar drinkin' a few brews.

Jesus says, "Hey we should all try and get in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

To which Chris Pratt replies, "Yeah, I bet I could get in it for most loved person in history."

Jesus then says, "and I be...

Alleged record holder has managed to stay underwater holding his breath for 27 minutes

His funeral is on friday

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Dating a Guinness record holder

A woman starts dating a Guinness record holder: the man with the longest penis.

Things are fine for some time, but they soon break up.

When her friends ask her why they broke up, she says: "Well... It was a long distance relationship".

I was fat

and had a beer belly so big i couldn't see my toes. so i prayed to be able to see my toes again.



i can now proudly say i am the record holder for the largest feet in the world

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The Guinness Book of World Records mislabeled the world record for the world’s largest penis.

They claimed the record holder was ‘Donald J Trump’, who then tweeted out the error, claiming his thing was big, but not that big.

GWR corrected themselves with a reprint two days later, instead saying he isn’t the record holder, but instead, he is the record,

A young man goes into the public swimming pool because he wants to swim the 100 meters.

At the edge of the pool are sitting three elderly ladies and watch him swimming the 100 meters in one and a half minutes.

As he climbs out of the pool, one of the three ladies says, "Not bad, but I'm 70 years old and can do it better!" "I do not think so, you have to prove that to me!" Says ...

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Three men are talking

Three men are talking, and they each mention how they think they have the smallest body parts in the world. One man says that he has the smallest head in the world. The second man says that he has the smallest feet in the world. The third man says that he has the smallest penis in the world. They al...

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A pygmy wants to be popular

However, among his tribe, he's nothing special. He's pretty small despite his 18 years of age, he's not particularly attractive and he's a bit shy. Then, it occurs to him. He writes a letter to the Guinness Book of World Records, claiming that he has the smallest hands of any adult in the world. He ...

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