UPJOKE

Really Rough Jokes

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood..

Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.

He kills time walking around the mall, doe...

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So I was having really rough sex with my girlfriend the other day and she started bleeding...

And I told her that she'd better get used to it, because in a couple of years she's going to be bleeding every month.

It's been a really rough year.

Can't wait for 2020.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl who was into really rough sex....

One night she got really rough and I ended up crying. We broke up and a few years later she started dating women, but she still refers to me as the first pussy she has ever fucked.

I was having a really rough day today because someone stole the front and back pages from my dictionary.

It just goes from bad to worse.

A deer enters a bar...

A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."

The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"

The deer replied, "Well I c...

A guy walks into a bar and says “Give me a shot of your finest Whiskey, and pour one for yourself on me!”

The bartender is surprised but pleased, so he pours two shots of the most expensive Scotch in the house.

They toast and drink up. After a few moments the man gets up and walks towards the door without paying. The bartender chases after him and says “hey what’s the big idea?! You haven’t paid...

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Hubby Went Fishing

Hubby told wifey,"going fishing early tomorrow morning." and she said,"Calling for rain." and he said,"No biggie,water won't bother me. I'm going,rain or shine." So,4:00 a.m. he hooks up his boat and just as he leaves the driveway,big storm hit. Rain,hail,high winds,so he backed his boattrailer back...

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Two guys and a girl become shipwrecked on a deserted island...

...but fortunately there is plenty of food and fresh water. Over the next few months, they build a little community: all three craft little huts out of sticks and leaves, and they fairly split up all the tasks and chores essential to their survival. They even build a little church where they go to p...

A cat goes to the doctor to get diagnosed

He goes to his office and says:

Cat:"Doc, the last few weeks have been really rough, My head is starting to hurt a lot and my tummy hurts"

Doctor:"Well, those are common symptoms for...Damn it I forgot what's its called!"

Cat:"C'mon doc, I'm dying from curiosity"

Doctor:"...

I ate dog meat for the first time today.

It was really rough.

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I'm going to hell for this one...

So I was fucking this black girl the other night and the likes it really rough. Very rough.

Anyways, she in the middle she suddenly just started shouting at me "Stop! Stop I can't breathe!"

So I just looked at her and said: "hey honey...let's not make this political here..."

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A man meets a shaman

Having been down on his luck for quite a number of years, the man figured it wouldn't hurt any more to consult him.

After hearing his numerous misfortunes in life, the shaman tells him: "I have seen countless souls turn cruel and uncaring when their fortunes change drastically for the better,...

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The cheap prostitute

So a man looks around to find the cheapest prostitute he can that is willing to fuck him. Eventually he came across this hooker who was rather ugly, but she was willing to fuck for a mere $15.


Well he thought to himself "pussy is pussy", turns out the lights and goes to town.


...

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