UPJOKE

Re Thinking Jokes

The psychologist said that children at a certain mental age believe that everybody knows what they’re thinking.

He used a doll to prove his point.

He placed a crayon box filled with candles on the table in front of the child. He then asked the child what was in the box. Of course the child answered crayons.

Then the psychologist opened the box to show the child that the box contained not cray...

Did you guys hear they’re thinking about closing the Philadelphia mint?

Im not opposed, it just makes cents

If you’re thinking about building a Velcro wall

Plan on sticking to it

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, idiot!”

[Long] Rupert the dog

A woman is in a pet shop looking for a protector for her home. She sees a variety of animals from talking birds, to pitbulls and even exotic cats. Being well off, she decides to ask the shopkeep what the best available was.

“Ah! Yes you must be interested in Rupert!” the shopkeep says excite...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy with a 25 inch penis goes to a witch doctor

He asks, is there anything you can do to shorten it Women won’t have sex with me. It’s too big.she said no but if you go in the forest there’s a pond with a magical frog that grants the wish you’re thinking of every time he says the word no, so you ask him to marry him to guarantee the correct respo...

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said “OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!

The man sat and thought about it f...

A young teacher confronts her math class of young kids with a simple question: “Three birds are sitting on a tree when a hunter comes and shoots one down, how many birds are left on the tree?”

“None!” shouts a boy across the classroom.

“Come here” says the teacher while the kid is approaching her through the weird looks of their classmates. The teacher calmly repeats the question again this time holding three fingers up for the sitting birds and removing one for the hunter’s victim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny in class...

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”

Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher ...

Heard at work today

When you see 20 cars in your neighbor’s driveway, and you’re thinking about calling the cops. Go over there and ask for a glass of milk. You know why? Because milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth. Minding your own business.

One day, Little Johnny is sitting in class when the teacher asks a question.

“Okay class, if 5 birds are sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many are left?”

Little Johnny gets super excited that he knows the answer to this one and raises his hand. The teacher points to Little Johnny and asks him what the answer is. Johnny says “0, cause’ if you shoot ...

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