If you’re reading this, you’ve been in a coma for 10 years

We’re trying a new technique.

We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we’re hoping we got through

PLEASE WAKE UP

Don't you hate it when you're reading a joke,

And there's no punchline.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

Communism sounds good on paper...

..unless you’re reading a history book.

I have an insane crush on my old manager and just want to tell him.

If you're reading this Seth please check the subreddit and stop stalking my account here.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid: Dad ,what is Gays?

Dad: Gays are men who love other men



Kid: What is penetrating Gays?



Dad: Umm.. May I see what you're reading?



Dad: Ohh you meant penetrating gaze!

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's bro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

100K people are having sex right now.

75,000 are kissing

50,000 are hugging

And you? Well, you're reading this.

^(Trust me, I'm not happy about this either)

Where do Chinese babies come from?

VaChina.

Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, I'm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish joke.

Rabbi Altmann and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Berlin in 1935. "Herr Altmann," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Der Stürmer! I can't understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?"

"On the contrary, Frau Eps...

10 Facts about you

1.You're reading this

2.You think that's stupid

4.You didn't notice I missed out 3

5.Now your checking it

6.Now you're getting upset

8.You didn't notice I missed out 7

9.Now your checking

10.Your wondering how many times you can fall or the same trick...

Trump at the Olympics

Donald Trump is opening the Olympic Games and has to read a speech.

"Oh" he says. "Oh, oh, oh ..."

An aide nudges him, "Mr. Trump, stop," he says. "You're reading the Olympic symbol."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man catches his Jewish friend reading an anti-Semitic newspaper.

"Rabinowitz!" He says, "You're reading an anti-Semitic newspaper! How could you?"

"Oh, it's very simple," he replies. "At first I read Jewish newspapers, but they were so depressing! 'Everyone wants to exterminate the Jews!' 'Antisemitism and oppression all around!' So many problems, so much ...

So I went to visit an old friend with a stutter...

He had made quite a bit of money since we had seen each other and I asked him how he did it. "Well I I go do door to do door and sel sell bibles". I asked him how he had made so much doing it and he said that he just says "yo you can b buy a bi bible or I I can re read iit to you".

Just realized what I'm putting on my tombstone.

If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

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