UPJOKE

Pretty Women Jokes

Pretty women sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her...

A man ask a pretty women: ”if there is a scale of a person’s looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?”

”I think you are in the middle,” says the women.

”So my looking is just okay,” says the man, a bit disappointed.

”No, you are pretty ugly, ” says the women.

(Quick one-liner joke:) Why are pretty women like pianos?

Because when they're not upright, they're grand!

A man and a woman are lying in bed late night...

...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old sailor's joke

So an old salty sailor told me this one, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

There once was a sailor, who got off his ship in a distant land. First thing he does is ask where the nearest brothel is at. Once there he orders his drink, starts talking to the pretty women around, and final...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very flashy, uber-materialistic, and self-absorbed braggart buys a Ferrari...

He’s driving around town showing off his new expensive ride. He waves at the pretty women with his right hand to show off his big flashy diamond rings.

He pulls over to park and is just relishing every glance he gets. He even calls out to a few people and says, “It’s a Ferrari! You like it?...

A woman walks into a bar

When it’s time to get the bill the woman asks the bartender, “I thought pretty women don’t need to pay the bill?” Then the bartender replies, “ that is true. So here is you’re bill”

A policeman stops a woman for driving over the speed limit.

A policeman stops a woman for driving over the speed limit. The policeman approaches the window and the woman says to the cop:”I thought that you didn’t give ticket to pretty women”

The policeman answers:”Actually, we don’t. So sign here please.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So This Family From no Where

Once there was this hillbilly family from the middle of no where. They never took vacation and they only traveled into town once a week. Well one day the family decided to go on vacation to New York city.

When they got to New York and arrived at their hotel the mother was at the front desk c...

My uncle once said "if you put your mind to it anything is possible!"

I was confused and asked him what he meant

"You see my date over there?"

"Yeah, the pretty one?"

Pretty women don't usually go for men like me, but if you put your mind to it, you can save up the money for borrowing them for a night.

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