An upper-class Englishman is going through his household accounts.
After a moment he looks up and says to his wife, "you know, darling, if you learnt how to prepare meals properly, we could spend less on the chef."
His wife replied, " And if you knew how to screw properly, we could get rid of the chauffeur."
I bumped into an old mate of mine today.
I said, "What are you doing these days?"
He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, alcoholics and down and outs."
I said, "Oh, are you working for the Salvation Army?"
He said, "No. Wetherspoons!"
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