Pregnant Wife Jokes

Whoops, wrong sub.

Guy: Doctor, My wife is pregnant but we always used double protection. Then, how is it possible?


Doctor: Let me tell you a story to make you realize how it is possible.


"There was a Hunter who always carried a Gun wherever he went. One day, he took his umbrella instead of his g... read more

“John you may name our daughter anything you want but not Ella.”
John not paying attention asked “Why not Ella?”
The wife said “It doesn’t matter, but please I am begging you, not Ella”
The confused husband when filling out the birth certificate wrote “Nutella”

My wife has been so moody since she became pregnant. I asked her to push harder and she began yelling and calling me names.

I said, "Let me know if you have a better way to get the car out of the mud."

You can unscrew a light bulb.

The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The d... read more

I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”

As the doctors are getting her ready to give birth, one of them informs the man that a machine that transfers some of the pain of birth from the mother to the father had been developed. They ask the man if he would want to take on some of the pain to make his wife's burden easier.

The man agr... read more

Despite my best attempts there wasn't any pulling out.

Too bad one's not fully developed



and the other is our child's.

Like my name, address, phone number.

One day, he’s on his way home from work, when he gets the call that his wife has gone into labour. In a panic, he races to get to the hospital, but swerves his car and crashes into the ditch. When he wakes up, he finds himself in the hospital, with his brother Jack, an irascible practical joker, l... read more

Being the loving husband he is, he tells her that he’ll walk down to the shop and buy her some. He gets to the store and buys a glass jar of snails that he will cook when he gets home.

As he walks out of the shop he bumps into a very old friend that he hasnt seen in ages. They catch up and t... read more

She was running out of womb.

she told me to stop doing it while I'm going down on her

Me: Herbert

Wife: but what if it’s a girl?

Me: Sherbert

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini... read more

Getting your wife pregnant in a MINI Cooper

My friends tell me I'm having a midwife crisis

Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.

He asks, "How's the situation?"

He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.

They said, "It's fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,... read more

I Didn't Know I was Pregnant

He didn't regain consciousness for a few days so his brother was brought in to help name the children.

"My brother named my kids?!" he exclaimed when he woke up. "But my brother is illiterate! And he can't even speak any English. Okay, so what did he name the girl !?"

"He named her Den... read more

"Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"

The stitches come out on Monday.