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People Watching Jokes

A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician are sitting outside drinking coffee and people watching.

The notice two people walk into a building, and a few minutes later the same two people walk out accompanied by a third person.

"They've multiplied!" exclaims the biologist.

The engineer says, "nonsense, that doesn't happen that quickly, it must have been a rounding error"

The m...

Did you hear about the guy who didn't like people watching him eat pancakes?

He always ate them syruptitiously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Danish man entered the international cow milking competition

The man was considered a legend in Denmark and it was said that he could get any cow to produce 20 litres of milk at a time. The people of his country, including his wife and children, were sure that the Danish man would win the competition.

The American first went up on stage — the crowd ch...

Why do golf announcers whisper?

Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a college campus. . .

A man goes to a college campus for a tour because he thinks he wants to go the following year. As he's taking his tour, he sees a large crowd surrounding a fraternity house.

He moves through the crowd and is shocked when he sees dozens of people on the lawn on the house, giving each other blo...

On a first date, a lovely young lady asks, 'So what are your hobbies?'

The man replies, 'I like running, hunting, and people watching'

The lady says, 'Oh that's cool. I'm also a runner.'

The man says, 'I know.'

We should add a leap second to December 31st 2020

Just to make people watching the live clock think for a split second that the year will never end

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

Blond in a chinese pet store

A blond goes inside a chinese pet store and finds a crowd of people watching an asian person starin at a fish

"Move left"

Said the asian, and the fish move left

"Move right"

Said the asian, and the fish moved right

"Jump"

And the fish jump over the fish tank...

A man walks into a bar with a duck and a biscuit box.

He sets the duck on top of the biscuit box on the bar and the duck begins dancing. The barman finds this rather interesting as do the rest of the punters in the pub. They all come round the duck and watch it for ages, and while doing so, buy more and more drink. By the end of the night the bar is fu...

What is 72?

69 with three people watching.

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave comes back from his Italian holiday...

... and he's telling his friends about it in the pub.
"Whilst we were there, the Pope gave a speech at the Vatican." he says. "I went along."
"What did you go for?" one of his mates asks. "You're an atheist."
"I know... but it was just one of those 'once in a lifetime' things, you kno...

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I´ve just put all my old dogging equipment up for sale on Ebay.

Haven´t had any bids yet, but there are 12 people watching!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As young as you feel...

An old man is sitting on a park bench one day. After a little while of people watching, he sees an attractive young woman walking by.

He says to her, “Excuse me miss, I know this is very rude to ask, but might you be willing to tell me how old you are?”

The woman thinks it’s a bit odd...

So a man is on a cruise...

That's sponsored by the Democratic party for a fundraiser. He's walking around enjoying his time when he comes across a group of people watching a game of limbo.
He sees that the crowd is really enjoying watching the game, so he hops in.
When it's his turn to go under, he ducks waaayy under ...

Two Rednecks are walking along a river bank...

... when they come across a group of people watching a man immerse some of them in the river. Spying them, the man calls out "Hey, brothers, come on down. I'm baptizing sinners, washing away their sin, just as the word says. Come on down, you'll find Jesus, you'll be saved!"

"What d'you reck...

FUN AT THE PARK

Ordinarily, staring is creepy. But if you spread your attention across many individuals, then it's just people watching.

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