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Peg Leg Jokes

A pirates first day

It's a pirate's first day on a new ship. While swabbing the deck, he is approached by the captain. The captain is a weathered, veteran sailer and has three of the iconic pirate maladies- a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.


The new pirate asks the captain how he got the peg leg....

I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg

He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over

A man came walking up to me with two peg legs, so I punched him in the face.

I’m lack toes intolerant.

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A pirate with an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook walks into a bar.

The bartender notices him, and decides to ask about his injuries.

"So..." he starts off, "How'd you get that peg leg?"

"A shark bit off me leg."

"And the hook?"

"An enemy pirate cut off me hand."

The bartender gasps, fascinated by the pirate's stories.

"Wha...

What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

I met an old farmer who had a pig with a peg leg

I asked him, “Why do you have a pig with a peg leg?”

Looking very proud he responded, “Well, that’s an amazing pig. Never had such a great pig before.”

Not understanding, I asked, “Sure, but why does he have a peg leg?”

Then the old farmer said, “Well, there was this one time t...

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A Pirate Joke that doesn't end with "ARRRR."

A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?"

"Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were ...

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What if female pirates had boobs made of wood instead of peg legs

It'd be weird wooden tit

A pirate captain with a peg leg walks into a bar.

On his crotch, he's got a ship's helm fastened to him.

The old pirate settles into the bar.

The bartender serves him a drink and finally asks the obvious, "what is the purpose of the helm on your crotch?"

The pirate answers: "Arrrr, I dunno, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

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I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg, and an eye patch on.

I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg and an eye patch on.

I asked what misfortune caused the loss of his leg. “A shark bit me leg clean off”

Curiosity piqued, I asked about his hand. “This beheaded fish still had the gall to bite down mighty fierce”

Las...

An old pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch walks into a bar

The bartender says:

”Whoa, that’s quite a get up you got there! Tell me how you got that peg leg.”

The pirate explains:

”Yarr! Ah lost me leg in a mighty battle with the toyal navy!”

The bartender asks:

”Wow, how about the hand?”

Pirate:

”’twas me old...

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[Long] A man notices a pirate and asks him, “Excuse me sir, but why do you have a hook hand?”

The pirate says, “Arr, yes, me hook hand. A sword cut me right below the elbow.”

“Well, what about your peg leg?” Says the man

“Arrr, me peg leg. A cannonball shot me right below the kneecap.”

“Well, what about your patch eye?”

“Arrr, me patch eye, I was standing on the ...

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Once, I met a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch

I asked him "What happened to your leg?"

"Arr," he responded, "One day I was in a battle at sea and a cannon ball blew my leg right off. I cut the throat of the man who fired the shot though."

"That sounds awful. What happened to your hand?"

"Arr, one day at sea I was knocked of...

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One day, an excited young boy is visiting the docks when he meets an ACTUAL pirate!

This pirate is the real deal: parrot on the shoulder, peg leg, eyepatch, hook hand, sword on the hip. You could not imagine a more stereotypical looking pirate.

The boy runs up to him, squealing with delight. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! You’re a real pirate!”

“Aye, laddie,” the ...

A humpback and a peg leg are having drinks in a bar.

When they are quite drunk and the bar closes, they go their ways home and the humpback decides to take the short route through the graveyard. Suddenly a little gnome jumps him, cackling “What is that on your back!?” The man replies “Oh, that’s my hump.”
“Give it to me!” the gnome snarls and he ma...

My girlfriend was really upset someone stole her peg leg.

She was crying on my shoulder, I guess she needed someone to lean on.

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A grizzled old sea captain walks into a bar. He has a peg leg, an eye patch, and a hook hand.

The captain sits down and orders a drink. The bartender serves it, and asks the captain a question.

-If you don't mind, how did you get that peg leg?

-I were chasing the white whale, laddy! Dangerous business!

-Well, how did you get the hook hand?

-Yar, had me a swashbuck...

What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink?

Decalfinated.

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So I met a Pirate...

- Mobile user, please excuse phrasing.

So the other day I met a pirate. I mean this guy was the real deal, peg leg, hook for a hand, eye patch, the works. I just had to ask him about it.

"Can I ask how you got the peg leg?".
"Aye, twas a dark, stormy night. I was at sea, surveying ...

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A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says “Hey you got a steering wheel on your pants”
The pirate says “Arrr, I know, it’s driving me nuts!!”

Once there was a young man with a wooden eye.

Now, he's very self conscious of his eye. Every year, the annual village dance comes around, and every year, he stands off to the side, feeling sorry for himself.

This year was no different. As he's standing there, all melancholy, he spots a young lady with a wooden leg. She too is standing ...

A pirate with a peg leg, eye patch, and a hook hand walks into a bar and sits down beside a curious patron

They begin a conversation and the patron asks

"How did you get the peg leg?"

Pirate says "several years ago me first mate led a mutiny against me! Me whole crew threw me overboard and a shark came and tore me leg right off. Several hours later I got lucky and found a passing vessel to ...

A girl with a peg leg goes to her high school dance...

And she is slowly walking around, sad that nobody wanted to dance with her. Right before she was about to leave a boy with a wooden eye walks up and asks her to dance. To which she replies

"Would I! Would I!"

The boy is angered anD snaps back at her.

"Peg Leg! Peg Leg!

What goes 99 clunk, 99 clunk?

A centipede with a peg leg

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An old salt walks into a harbor bar and sees a man he thinks he knows with a hook hand, a peg leg and an eye patch.

He says,"Ahoy, aren't you Cap'n Jones?", The old sea dog says,"Aye, Cap'n Jones I am." The tar says "I sailed with ye years ago. But last time I saw ye, ye were a whole man. What happened to your leg?" Jones answers "Lost it inna battle, cannonball took it off at the knee." "Surely bad, and how abo...

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I saw a pirate on the street the other day

"Oh my gosh, are you a pirate?"

"Aye, I be a pirate."

"Wow, cool! I see you have a peg leg. How did you come to need that?"

"It was during a mutiny. Me crew threw me overboard and a shark bit me leg off."

"Ouch. And your hook? How'd that happen?"

"During the mutiny...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down next to a guy with a peg leg, a metal hook for a hand, and an eyepatch.

He orders a beer, looks at the guy next to him, and asks "What are you supposed to be, a pirate?"

"Yarr, I am" replies the pirate.

"You must have some crazy stories about your leg, your hand, an...

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A man walks into a bar and sees a pirate.

A man strolls into his local bar and is shocked to see a pirate sitting at the end of the bar. The guy was decked out, eye patch, peg leg, and a hook hand. A real, proper pirate.

So the man says "why not?" And pulls up a seat next to the pirate. He buys a round for himself and the pirate and ...

A girl was throwing stones in her backyard one day

She threw one a little too hard and it came back and hit her in the eye. She ran inside yelling and crying and her parents drove her to the hospital

The doctor tells the family that her eye is going to have to be removed and she’ll need a prosthetic. The family doesn’t have a lot of money and...

A guy with a wooden eye goes to the club and sees a beautiful woman standing at the bar. She happens to have a peg leg. He walks up and asks her to dance...

She says “Would I!”

He says, “I didn’t want to dance with you anyway, peg leg!”

A man decides to quit his job and run away to join a pirate crew

A man decides to quit his job and run away to join a pirate crew. After spending a few hours at the dock, he sees a man who has a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch; the man is obviously a pirate captain. The man promptly joins the captains crew and they ship out to sea that very day.
<...

Two single people met up on handicap singles night after having no luck in years...

The man had a wooden peg leg, and the woman has a wooden eye. After finally getting up the courage, the woman asks the man if he would like to dance.

“Would I? Would I?” he yells excitedly.

In complete disgust, she yells back, “Peg Leg! Peg Leg!”

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A deaf couple was in bed...

A deaf couple was in bed, preparing to be intimate. The wife asked her husband if he was feeling kinky. He asked her why, and she described a sexual act she had recently learned about. She explained how she would wear a strap-on and stand on the side of the bed, holding his feet high in the air unti...

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A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew.

A new Swabbie joins a Pirate's crew. He goes to the Captain's quarters and meets the Pirate Captain. He's a grizzled man with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch.

Swabbie: Ahoy Captain, it's looks like you've had quite the history.

Cpt: Aye, I've been sailing these seven seas sinc...

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Sea captain joke

A young sailor is walking the
docks and spots a sea captain, examining his deck. The sea captain has a peg leg, a hook and an eyepatch. The young sailor, curious, asks the captain "How did you get your peg leg?" The captain replies "Arrr it was a stormy night, and a gust of wind blew me of me bo...

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The sailor and the pirate

One day, a sailor met a pirate. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eyepatch. The sailor asked the pirate, “How did you get your peg leg?” The pirate replied, “Aargh, a whale bit me leg off.” Next, the sailor asked, “How did you get your hook?” The pirate replied, “Me crew was in a battle with ...

A sailor met a pirate, and they started talking about their adventures at sea.

The sailor noticed that the pirate had a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. He asked, “so, how did you end up with the peg leg?”
The pirate replied, “we were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!...

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A Little Kid Sees a Pirate on the Beach...

and walks up to him. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Intrigued, the kid asks, "how come you've got that peg for a foot?"

The pirate responds, "Aye, now that's a story. I was battlin' another ship with me crew, and a cannon ball flew straight toward me. Blew everythin' past...

A boy, Billy, is born with no left eye, so the doctors surgically implant a wooden eye in the socket

All through his youth, he is shunned and bullied for his deformation. He grows hard and strong from all the fights he’s been forced to engage in throughout the years, but underneath it all he remains a good kid

High school is coming to an end and Billy’s goal remains the same: survive. Someho...

A private school dance...

There are two private middle schools having a school dance together in on of the school's gyms. One is an all girls' school, and the other is an all boys' school.

All of the kids are dancing in the middle of the school's gym and having a pretty good time...except for one girl with a peg leg a...

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A sailor walks into a bar

The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"

And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."

"Why do you have that hook?"

"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."

"And the eye patch?"

"I l...

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A young boy ran away to the docks and joined a pirate ship to begin his new life as a cabin boy.

He met the captain, which had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. The captain, glad to have another crew member on board immediately put the new cabin boy to work, mostly doing dishes and cleaning and such.

The young boy worked for a month without a single complaint, but the capta...

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Two men start talking at a high school reunion.

“It’s been a long time, what have you been up to?”

“I’m a business man now, I run a very successful company”

“Ah, I can see that by the briefcase and suit”

“What do you do?”

“Oh, arrr, I’m a pirate.”

“Ah, I see that by your peg leg, hook and eye patch. How did you ...

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A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries

First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up."
"That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?"
"We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' ...

A man is sitting in a bar looking sad....

(friend of mine told me this forever ago. I'm sure its been posted here before)

The bartender asks, “Why you so down?”

Man replies, “Well, no girls will talk to me because I have this wooden eye and it freaks them out.”

Bartender thinks for a moment, “See that cute girl sitting ...

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A man is walking down to the docks to check out his new boat.

As he approaches he sees a honest to goodness pirate ship docking nearby. He is beside himself when he sees the most stereotypical pirate hobbling off the boat.

The pirate has a red bandana, a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eyepatch. The man can't help himself, he has to talk to the guy.<...

A man in his late twenties was in a car accident... (Long)

The windshield shattered and a piece flew into his eye, blinding him and causing irreparable damage to the eyeball itself. As this man had substantial student loan debt, his doctor could only find one prosthetic eye in his price range and it happened to be made out of wood. To help him deal with thi...

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Summers goes to his 20th High school reunion...

He sees and old friend of his. The guy is wearing a 3 cornered hat, he's got a peg leg, a hook on his right hand, and a black patch over his left eye.

Summers says, "Robey, this is a reunion, not a costume party. What's up?"

Robey says, " Well I always said I wanted to be a pirate, and...

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The Pirate

A man walks into a bar and finds a pirate seated at the bar.

The man takes a seat next to the pirate and notes the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The man strikes up a conversation with the pirate and eventually works up the courage to ask him about his deformities.
...

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I met a pirate today.

I met a pirate today at the bus stop, as I was waiting for the 151 bus to go downtown. I know he was a pirate, because he had an eyepatch, and a hook, and a peg leg, the whole deal. That, and I asked him.
"Excuse me, sir, but are you a pirate?" I asked.
"Arr, I be a pirate, aye."
"Oh, that ...

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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink..

Bartender looks at his peg leg and says, "Hey. What happened to your leg, buddy?"

Pirate says, "Ohh, I got me leg blown off by a cannonball years ago."

Bartender starts pouring another drink, sees the pirate's hook and says, "Wow! What about your arm?"

Pirate says, "Ohhh...

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This was the first long joke I ever learned. Interview with a pirate.

There was a pirate who had agreed to do an interview with a local tv station. The reporter was very courteous and professional, giving a bit of background as to the pirate's business. She then began interviewing him.

"So Mr. Longbeard, are there any risks to your business? I see you have a pe...

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar.

They sit down next to each other and get to Talking. Their chat soon turns to their sea Adventures. The sailor tells of his days fighting Wars with the navy, and the pirate tells of robbing Ships and killing his enemies.
The sailor notices That the pirate has an eye patch, a hook and a Peg leg, ...

Why was the 'P' irate?

Because his peg leg made him go 'R'

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A pirate walks into a bar

The bartender notices the pirate has a peg leg.

Bartender: Wow! What happened to your leg?

Pirate: We was in a fight on the high seas and there ‘‘twas a cannonball shot into it. They had to amputate me leg.

The bartender then notices a hook on one of his arms.

Bartender: ...

A man sits down at a bar next to a pirate and starts asking him about his past injuries.

The first thing the man notices is the pirate’s peg leg. “How did you get that wooden leg,” he asks.

The pirate responds, “Oh, a cannonball took my leg off in a fight with a naval frigate.”

“Wow!” the man replies. “So how did you get that hook?” pointing to the pirate’s arm.

The...

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Pirate

So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says “how are you doing pirate? haven’t seen you in a long time“
The pirate says “doing great, just came back from a very successful series of raids”
The bartender says “really!? You look terrible. What happened to your leg?“
The pirate says ...

Thibodeaux had recently lost an eye

and gotten it replaced with a wooden one. A few weeks later, he went on down to the bar where he noticed a lady with a prosthetic leg.

Thibodeaux walked up to her and asked if she'd like to dance. She gasped and said, "would i?"

Thibodeaux yelled back "peg leg!"

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Hook and wood

As he's familiarizing himself with the crew, he notices an old man with a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. Intrigued by all of these injuries, he walks up to the man.

"It looks like you've seen quite a bit of action," he says to the old man, "I'd be interested to hear your story."
<...

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A pirate limps into a bar...

A pirate comes limping into a bar on a peg leg and orders a drink. The bartender asks him how he lost his leg.

"Shark bit me bloody leg off."

A week later, same pirate limps into the bar, this time with a hook where his hand used to be. Bartender says "Boy, you're having a rough time,...

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One I heard in 4th grade and remembered out of the blue today.

A sexy pirate captain had been at sea for 6 months, she was the perfect woman, a huge rack, a tight waist, long slender legs that lead up to nice tight ass. She was perfect except for her one wooden eye of which she was extremely sensitive. After 6 months at sea she was hot for it and ready to break...

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A man is on his first day as a crewman of a pirate ship

A man is on his first brutal day as a crewman of a pirate ship. He is swabbing the decks, heaving ropes, and emptying pisspots. All the horrible jobs delegated the new sailor.

Then out onto the deck steps the meanest, crustiest, saltiest pirate captain you can imagine. He's got a peg leg,...

A Pirate Walks Into a Bar

The bartender immediately sees the man has an eyepatch and peg leg, but notices something strange.

The man has a steering wheel right on his crotch.

Bewildered, the bartender asks, "I understand the eyepatch and peg leg, but what's with the steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pi...

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Pirate in a Bar

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, "Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink." The pirate c...

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A Pirate walked into a bar

A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.

The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"

"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.

"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"

"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonb...

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A young sailor is listening to an old pirate tell his stories...

...and notices that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eyepatch. The young man asks the pirate, "How did you get your peg leg?"

"Well you see," says the pirate, "I once got so rip, roaring drunk, that I stumbled and fell overboard. The crew scrambled to fish me out, and just as I was be...

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[NSFWish] A boy was walking along the docks one day and came across a pirate ship...

He looked up and admired, in complete amazement, the beauty of the massive ship with all of the details and marks of a real life pirate ship. As if this wasn't enough, the boy then noticed a man sitting by the ship with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye. He went up to the man an...

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An intern's first day on a pirate ship...

A pirate and his protege are together on a ship. The protege asks the pirate, "Barnabus, how did you get that peg leg?"
The pirate replied "I was in a rigorous battle, attempting to plunder another ship. Out of nowhere came a cannonball, and blew my leg square off!"
"Well then, how did you acq...

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Two pirates were talking, the second one with a pegleg, a hook, and an eyepatch

Pirate 1: arrr, how ye get that peg leg

Pirate 2: arr, ye was thrown overboard 'n got attacked by a shark!

Pirate 1: aye, that is unfortunate. How ye get yer hook?

Pirate 2: got in a sword fight, me opponent was good, cut me hand clean off!

Pirate 1: arr, be happy ye stil...

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A pirate joke

So two pirates are working on a pirate ship, one of them is an older pirate and one of them is a new pirate. So they're going along working and the younger pirate turns to the older pirate and says, "hey I see you got a peg leg there, how'd you get that?" The older pirate turns to him and says, "arg...

A couple is on their honeymoon in the Caribbean, and they go into a shop so the husband can get his ear pierced.

They walk up to the counter, and the husband says, "I'd like to get my ear pierced to celebrate our honeymoon! How much will that cost?"

The shopkeeper replies, "It'll be $20, plus the cost of the earring you get. If that works for you, you can go pick out the earring while I set up to pierce...

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A sailor walks into a bar

He orders a drink and notices there's a mean, weather beaten pirate next to him at the bar. The pirate has a hook, a peg leg, and an eye patch. After a few drinks the sailor gets the courage to ask the pirate how he lost his leg.

The pirate tells him, "We were in the midst of a raging storm,...

Wooden Eye Vet

A war vet with a wooden eye goes to a dance for injured veterans. He can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a prosthetic leg. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and asks "Would you da...

The Fantastic Pig

John is travelling one day and sees a sign on the side of the road saying, "30 miles until the fantastic pig." He is curious but doesn't think anymore of it until he sees another sign 10 miles up the road declaring the fantastic pig only 20 miles away. This continues up until 5 miles away from the s...

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A pirate walks into a bar... [Long]

A pirate walks into a bar. He has two peg legs, two hooks for hands, and is wearing two eyepatches. As he sits at the bar, one of the patrons turns to him and says, "Excuse me, I can't help but notice you have two peg legs. How did that happen?"


The pirate responds, "Yarrr, matey. I...

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Pirate joke!

So Long John Silver's was looking for a mascot to sell their fish on T.V and they were looking for a pirate.

So the first audition walks in and he is the perfect pirate! Peg leg, eye patch and hook for a hand, the perfect pirate look.

The interviewer talks to him for a little bit and f...

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It was a fine day out on the sea...

when a young sailer prepared to set sail on his first voyage. Before he boarded the vessel, he came across an old pirate sitting drunkenly on the docks.

"Hey, old-timer," he began, "you look like you've seen your fair share of sea. Could you spare some advise for a young sailer?"

"Gar...

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Seagull poop (longish)

{From my childhood - no idea who to credit}



A man is sitting at the bar alone when suddenly, in walks a pirate.

The whole place goes quiet as the pirate walks to the counter.

He orders a drink and noticed the man is staring at him, eyes wide.

The pirate says, "Wha...

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In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Here's my favorite pirate joke:

When I was 17, I went on a class trip to a beach but I snuck away to explore on my own. I went into this bar. It had nautical stuff on the wall, a bunch of shark jaws, but also streamers and balloons about the place. It looked like there was a party going on. ...

A pig named lucky.

A news show was doing a report on a local old farmer who had a pig named lucky. Lucky had 4 peg legs.

Reporter: So, can you tell us the story of Lucky? How did he get his name?

Farmer: Well one night, I awoke to the sound of my animals crying, and my barn was on fire. I quickly ran out...

Salty Pete The Pirate

So, Salty Pete the pirate hobbles into the bar one night. I mean, he's so piratey. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, an eye patch, the peg leg and hook for a hand, and he for some reason has the helm of his ship stuck to his nether regions.

Anyway, he hobbles up to the bar and tosses down...

I have never seen my all time favorite joke here, so I will submit relatively original content, enjoy!

There was a newspaper in a very small Midwestern farming town, comes out once a week with local news like the new library books, or the preachers sermon, and school fundraisers. One day the editor calls the reporter in and says, "I don't know what to do about the next issue. There isn't a damn thin...

Pirate walks into a bar

As a bartender was cleaning up for the evening as a pirate walked into his bar. This was the most stereo typical pirate the bartender had ever seen. He had an eye-patch over one eye, a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, a hook for a hand, and spoke with the usual pirate accent. The only thing that s...

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