UPJOKE
reincarnation

Past Life Jokes

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In my past life, I was a message delivery man in an army base

One day, I got a letter for Bravo Company, and took off to deliver it as quickly as I could. When I found them they were doing exercises in one of the yards, I walked up to the sergeant to deliver the message.

He took the letter, read it over, folded it and put it in his pocket. Then he yell...

I was a turtle in my past life...

It's slowly coming back to me.

In my past life, I was a warrior for an Indian Tribe, and was madly in love with the chiefs daughter

In this tribe we were named after the first thing our mothers saw when we were born. And His daughter, Lily Petal, was absolutely beautiful, and everyday I sighed knowing there was nothing I could do to ever win her attention. I was just boring old Falling Rock, a nobody warrior.

But one day,...

This is a message for His Holiness the Dalai Lama: "Please decide my fate in future existences based on my past life behavior."

It's a ***karma***\-seeking post.

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They say what kills you in your past life is your biggest fear in this life..

But I'm pretty sure premature ejaculation never killed anyone

I was a Buddhist in my past life but now I’ve decide to be atheist.

I didn’t want to do this _again_

I just told my girlfriend that I was an Italian mite in a past life .

I'm a Roman tick at heart.

People often find themselves contemplating past life choices before they do something immensely stupid.

Which has me worried because I'm constantly thinking about the choices I've made in life.

I don’t believe in reincarnation anymore

But I used to in a past life

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A Japanese myth about love..

There's a Japanese legend that says your present face is the face of the one you loved most in your past life.
I must have had really bad taste then. FML.

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A guy goes to see his doctor

"I'm stressed out by the most simple social interactions," he says.

"Very common," says his doctor. "I'll write you a prescription. Your insurance covers that."

"Sometimes I hear voices telling me to hurt myself and others," he says.

"That's fine as well," says the doctor, scrat...

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le...

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Doug comes home very drunk one night...

He sneaks upstairs to his bedroom and passes out next to his wife, Shirley. All of a sudden, his room fills with a bright light and hovering over the foot of the bed is an angel. Doug is very frightened and has no idea what is going on. The angel says, "Doug, don't be afraid. I am come to tell y...

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