UPJOKE

One Inch Jokes

Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water

so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy with a one inch willy?

Just-in

I have a "One dollar, one inch" rule with the ladies: you give me a dollar, you get an inch.

You give me three dollars, you get it all.

What do you do when a playground bully stands one inch away and say "I'm not touching you...I'm not touching you.."?

Hope that he pulls the army back to the Kremlin soon.

A friend of mine can float one inch off the ground when he drinks Jack Daniels.

He’s a bourbon legend.

What did Snow White complain after a week with the dwarves?

"I would have rather have a 7 inch one time than one inch 7 times"

Miss USA

The Sociology professor was explaining how society's ideals of beauty change
with time.

"For example," he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five foot,
one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do
you think she'd do in today's ve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks the kids if they can use the word contagious in a sentence.

Little Johnny raises his hand and says "I had a cold last week and my Mummy said I couldn't go play because I was contagious."

Little Billy raises his hand and says "My Daddy saw our neighbour trying to paint his fence with a one inch brush, he said that'll take the Cunt Ages"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are marooned on an island...

Three men are marooned on an island desperately seeking a way to get off.
A cannibal approaches them and flops his penis out. 'If the length of your three penises together is as big as mine, then I'll show you how to get off the island. Otherwise you'll be killed and eaten.' The native's nob was...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The three Billy Goats and their endowment

I heard this one in high school; I believe from an ostensible lab partner who mostly told lewd jokes instead of doing assignments:

You might remember the old fairy tale of the three Billy Goats who were confronted by a troll while crossing a bridge. Well it was a day just like that one, wher...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An African, an Indian and a Chinese...

were hiking in the rainforest when they were captured by a tribe of savages. All tied up and about to be killed the chief told them the only way he'll let them go is if their dicks add up to 20 inches in length. The African whips his out and and it's an impressive 11 inches, the Indian pulls his out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are walking through the jungle, Mr. A, Mr. B and Mr. C.

Three men are walking through the jungle, Mr. A, Mr. B and Mr. C.

Suddenly the 3 men are surrounded by a group of natives and quickly escorted back to the tribal leader.

The tribal leader says "in order to survive you must pass a test. If the total length of your penises doesn't add up...

What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

One Inch Punch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

15 Inches

An Asian man, a black man, and a white man are sitting in a bar when a thug busts in and pulls out a gun. He demands everyone to empty their valuables into his bag or he will shoot them but no one moves. Confused, the thug asks why they aren't moving and the Asian tells him that they are all really ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three friends are walking back home after hiking...

Suddenly, they're kidnapped by a group of cannibals. They strip them naked and tie them to a tree.

"We have one exception to let you live: all three of your dicks must measure to a total of 15 inches."

So they measure the first guy's dick, 8 inches. They measure the second guy's dick...

The reason that men can read maps better than women...

They intuitively understand that one inch equals a mile

A girl married a man who only had one foot…

The next day, her mother called her and asked, "My dear, what do you think about marriage?"

Her daughter replied, "Oh, it's real splendid, even though he only has one foot!"

Her mom cackled, "You're so lucky! When I married your dad, he only had one inch!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alien Sex

An alien couple come down to earth and goes to a swingers party.

They swap partners and go to their respective bedrooms. The alien takes off his clothes revealing a one inch cock.

The human woman says, "I'm not impressed with this at all."

The alien then twists his right ear ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.