UPJOKE

Old Dude Jokes

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A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

"What's got you so down, buddy?" he asks.

"You new in town?" the old drunk asks.
...

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Two old dudes are sitting on a park bench discussing their youth and how things have changed. One says to the other one, "these days there is premarital sex, extramarital sex, swinging... I never had premarital sex with my wife, did you?"

The other thinks for a moment and says "What was her maiden name again?"

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Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

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The old painter

A mobster bough a new house in the suburbs and wanted to re-paint the fence.He called a local painter. The painter was 70yo guy. He took one look at the mobster and thought "This guy surely is dumb - I will ask him for triple the normal price" and so he did.The mobster who was not as dumb as he look...

The Devil burst through the floor of a church in Brooklyn

He starts roaring and shouting in everyone's face saying, "DOOMS DAY HAS COME AND ALL YOUR SOULS ARE NOW MINE!" And he begins to laugh maniacally.
Everybody runs out screaming in terror except for one old dude who is giving him the evil eye. So The Devils gets right in face and roars his loudest ...

The smell of alcohol

An old man was stopped by police while driving. He rolled down his window as the policeman leaned over. – There's a terrible stench of alcohol here, said the cop.

Oh, I'm sorry, said the old dude, as he rolled the window almost shut, and asked through the narrow crack, - Is it better now?

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A guy walks into a bar in a small Scottish town...

He sees an old dude sitting by himself, grumbling over a glass of whiskey. There's no other free chairs, so he sits down across from the old man.

"What's got you so down, buddy?" the man asks the grumpy old Scotsman.

"You see that wall along the road coming into town? I built that wall...

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A little walk with dad.

So I was walking down the street with my dad the other day, and two youngsters, possbile who did not even hit the 15 yet, walked infront of us. And they were talking loudly and one asked the other "Why do some old dudes walk like they´ve shit them self?"

My dad promptly answered "97% its lowe...

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