Old But Gold Jokes

Just sat next to a bloke in the pub, he takes his wallet out and pulls a photo of his wife from it. He showed it to me and said, Isn't she stunning?

I replied, if you think she is stunning you should see my wife.

Why? Is she a model?

No, I replied, she's an optician.

A country preacher had a teenage son, and it was time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he  wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. 

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to ... read more

What is green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frog's middle finger

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
... read more

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

To Scandinavyin

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with ... read more

Q: Rabinovich, what is a fortune?

A: A fortune is to live in our Socialist motherland.

Q: And what's a misfortune?

A: A misfortune is to have such a fortune.

Q. Where does a king keep his armies?
A. Up his sleevies

One day, John visited Rick to borrow some movie to watch.

John: "can i borrow some of your movies?"

Rick: "Sure thing, just follow me"

John followed rick to a room full of movies from a to z

Rick: "so what are you looking for?"

John: "oh just some family friend... read more

A: None.

Jack Arrow was a captain of a pirate ship. He was always chased by danger. As one day, a crew member came up to captain jack and said " We got an enemy ship approaching us from behind, sir!!!" Captain Jack, with all confidence, replied "Bring me my red shirt!". As the enemy ship boarded Captain Jac... read more

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."

"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.

"You must be a Democrat."<... read more

But John came fifth, and won a toaster.







Old but gold.



Stolen off the internet. Enjoy

One day a little girl go to sleep and her dad leave her room after that he read her a story and she says « goodbye granddad, protect dad and mom and grandma ». Then on the morning , the grandfather dies . The dad is lost but thinks its nothing . The next night , her daughter says « goodbye grandma ,... read more