UPJOKE

Of 1 Jokes

I was sitting at the bar arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5 and 7.

The bartender asked me if I was trying to set up some odd joke. I told him “No, but I would have done that in my prime.”

Wife: Suppose you hit jackpot of 1 million dollars in a lottery...

Wife: Suppose you hit jackpot of 1 million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of 1 million dollars. What will you do?

Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day!

On a scale of 1-100, how mature are you?

69

Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8?

Kid: It stops at 8?

Doctor: It does for you.

What's the integral of 1/(cabin)?

A natural log cabin.

Doctor, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is this tumor?

Doctor: "I'd say it's be-nine."

Patient: "Hahaha"

Doctor: "Hahahaha"

Patient: "Haha"

Doctor: "You have a month to live."

Why do teenagers travel in groups of 1,3,5 or 7?

Because they literally can’t even.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10

Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done.

I asked this German woman on a scale of 1-10, how likely is it she would go out with me.

Don't mean to brag, but she said 9.

My rabbi has a pH of 1

He’s an acidic Jew

On a scale of 1 to 11, how would you rate Arabs?

9 out of 11

My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100..

..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?

9 3/4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In every friend group, apparently 1 out of 10 people are gay.

I hope it's Tyler, he's super cute.

So, I asked my German grandfather hoe racist he was, scale of 1 to 10

He said "NEIN!"

Thanks to Corona a distance of 1.5 meters needs to be respected in my country

BMW drivers are proud, been using this technique for years.

On a scale of 1 to Osama...

How good was the hiding spot?

A z-score of 1.9 walked into a bar

The bartender says, “Why so down today?”


The score replies, “I’m feeling so insignificant.”

On a scale of 1-10

How old was Michael Jackson's boyfriend?

On a Scale of 1 to Atlanta's Freeways...

How much is your life falling apart?

I decided to put a bunch of 1 dollar bis around a string then wore it like a belt.

My mother called it a waist of money

I asked my wife “on a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate yourself?” And in a sassy tone, she said “11”.

I told her “Must be a pH scale cause you’re basic as hell.”

Why Do Sorority Girls Travel In Packs Of 1, 3, 5 or 7?

Because they can't even.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5...

People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5.

People with a penis length above 5 inches tend to rate things on a scale of 1-10.

1-100 people will get this.

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