UPJOKE

Not Interested Jokes

Me: I love you, but I am NOT interested in your marital problems.

Him: But you're my wife!

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Why was the pirate not interested the prostitute?

Bland hoe

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

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A man meets a beautiful, really sexy girl.

He really wants her. So he invites her to a movie, and she tells him:

\- Listen, if it's sex you're after, then there is no need to get me dinners, movie evenings and all that. Just buy me a good Swiss Army knife.

The guy thinks. It's true, he's not interested in something long-term, s...

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Why Moses was the one who received the Ten Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'

And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill?  We're not i...

I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021

I’ve experienced the 7 day trial and I’m not interested

A Russian boy sees his father being arrested by the FSB and asks, “Papa, why are you being taken to the Gulag?”

The father replies, “I don’t know son, I’m not interested in politics.”

Putin gets a haircut

Putin goes to the Kremlin barbershop to get a haircut. While cutting his hair, the barber keeps on and on asking and talking about the 'special operation' in Ukraine.

Putin snaps:

- You seem to be overly interested about Ukraine... Don't you understand what happens to people who are to...

If you want to know if a girl is into you, look at her feet.

If they point away from you she's not interested, if they're behind her ears she's very interested.

The job interviewer asked me, what my weakness is.

So I told him that I am brutally honest.

He acted surprised and said he sees this as a strenght, not as a weakness.

But after that I was thrown out of the building only because I replied that I am not interested in the opinion of an incapable fat bald man.

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So there's a farmer in his barn yard with a bull and a cow...

The farmer wants the bull to get his cow pregnant with a calf. The bull however is not interested in that at all and just wants to eat grass all day. The farmer gets the bright idea to try to get the bull feeling frisky himself. He takes his hand and shoves it into the cow's vagina. He then pulls it...

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Wood Eye

Little Johnny had a tragic accident and lost his right eye. His parents were poor and couldn’t afford a replacement so Johnnys father crafted a wooden eye to put in the empty socket.

Johnny was very self conscious and in turn was very shy, especially around girls. His parents encouraged him ...

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God sends an angel down from Heaven...

...To bring the commandments to the people of the world, first the angel visits the French and he says "I have these commandments for you, they'll make your lives better"

"Well, what are they?" asked the French

"Thou shalt not commit adultery" replied the angel

"Bah, we're not i...

How is God just like every other man?

If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.

In my hand

"Hello, baby," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you some." "Listen," said the woman, nonplussed, "If you can hold it in one hand, I'm not interested."

The cleaning lady at work asked if I wanted to smoke a J with her

I declined because I'm not interested in high maintenance women

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Factual Headlines

Day 1: A famous priest arrives in Seattle airport gets accosted by a reporting asking, "Sir, what are your thoughts about Seattle prostitutes?"

The priest responded, "There are prostitutes in Seattle?"

*News headline the next day: "Famed priest asks about prostitutes upon arriving Seat...

Joke that has recently become popular in Russia in light of recent protests

- Dad, which concentration camp are we going to?
- Dunno, son, I’m not interested in politics.

A guy decides to visit his grandpa and asks him about his past

Guy: So, how did you lose both your legs?

Grandpa: Well, son, you know that when I was young, I was a great hunter. There was a time in which I was looking for the biggest bear in America, God bless America.
I found a small cave and with a white light inside, so I entered, but I found a s...

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart....

A group of robed people stopped me whilst I was shopping the other day and were really persistently trying to convince me to join the fight for good bacteria, eventually I got really sick of them, looked em in the eyes and said.. .

I'm not interested in Yakult

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Pussy Eating Frog (NSFW)

A woman had some time to kill, so she decided to go browse in a pet store. She's looking around, and the owner approaches her and asks if she's looking for anything in particular. She says, "No, I'm just browsing."

"Well, perhaps I can interest you in one of our new arrivals. He's a very r...

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are walking through Washington DC when they see a poster advertising an epic insult smackdown between all the living former US presidents.

"This looks like such a cool event!" says the Catholic. "I think Carter will win."

"I think the winner will be Clinton," says the Protestant, "with Obama at a close second."

"I'm...uh...not interested," says the Jew.

The other two are shocked. "Why not?" asks the Catholic.
...

A young man was walking through his neighborhood selling old cassette tapes

Comes across a man who is listening to music on his MP3 player. He proceeds to ask the man if he would like to buy some of his tapes. The conversation played out like this:


boy- excuse me sir, are you interested in buying any of these tapes from me?

man- no thank you, as you can se...

There’s a knock at the door

The butler goes and answers the door.

“Sir, there’s a man at the door with a mustache.”

“I’m not interested, tell him I’ve already got one!”

Lawyer’s wife is refusing to cook...

...After experimenting with various dishes for four days during the lockdown, the wife was not interested in cooking anything and wanted the husband to cook.

The wife asked the husband why are only wives expected to cook food for their husbands during the lockdown.

The lawyer husband s...

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A man is sitting alone at home, when suddenly there’s a knock at his door ...

Standing at the door is a door to door salesman.

Man: Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested.

Salesman: But what I’m selling is very interesting. I’m a purveyor of luxury prosthetics. Allow me to demonstrate.

And he raises the right leg of his pants. His leg is solid gold!...

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Castrating a bull.

Farming salesman knocks on the door of the
farm house wanting to sell the latest bull castration apparatus.

After his long sales pitch the farmer explains that his family have been using the same method for generations and he is not interested.

Salesman asks about the farmers techn...

"Hey, wanna play a game?"

A blonde and a lawyer find themselves sitting next to each other on airplane. As take-off begins the lawyer already finds himself getting bored, and so he turns to the blonde and says "Hey, wanna play a game?" Slightly interested, the blonde turns back to him and says "What is it?"

"Well, the...

A salesman approaches you

Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.

Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.

This text is tiny, I can't read it.

Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you

My friend pulled a girl on a night out and ended up going back to her house where they made amazing love all night long.

In the morning, she excused herself early as she had to go to work and she left her number for my friend to call her later.

After a lie in he got up, showered and dressed, but before he left her house he couldn’t help but have a quick snoop in her bedroom drawers.

In one drawer he foun...

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One summers day, a group of young girls decide to go swimming...

One summers day, a group of girls decide to go swimming rather than class. Instead of the more popular spots, the friends choose a discreet little pond on the far side of the lake. Sure, its privately owned but they're unlikely to be discovered there.

When the young ladies get to the pond, t...

Bird Impressions

A man goes to the circus and tells the talent recruiter that he would like to apply for a position. The recruiter asks what his talents are, and the man replies that he does amazing bird impressions. The recruiter tells the man he's seen a million bird impressions and is not interested. The man s...

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