UPJOKE

Nobody Cares Jokes

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One dung beetle walks into a bar and nobody cares...

A hundred dung beetles walk into a bar and everyone loses their shit.

Nobody cares that today is my cake day...

I feel desserted...

If you think nobody cares if you're alive..

Try missing a couple of payments.

What do you call someone who keeps talking even if nobody cares?

A teacher

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If you're questioning your sexuality...

You probably aren't thinking straight.

If you ever feel as thought nobody cares about what you do

Just post something with a spelling mistake in it.

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Nobody cares about the Jews

Hitler and his men are having a meeting,

Hitler: We will kill 6 million Jews and 1 clown.

Men: Why the clown?

Hitler: See! I told you nobody cares about the Jews!

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A joke on Reddit is like a penis. Nobody cares if it's short.

But if it's long, everyone knows it.

Nobody cares about global warming..

Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.

I hate it when people publicly express their opinions needlessly, just seeking attention when nobody cares.

But that's just my opinion.

My wife makes excuses for stuff by saying she's OCD.

Nobody cares if you're a rapper, Margaret.

Do you remember how before social media nobody cared what, where and with whom you ate?

Still nobody cares.

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My best friend is a professional one-handed swimmer but an absolute showoff!

Just finish the race for fuck sake! nobody cares how many times you can swim in a circle.

"Mr. Trump, have you changed your plans for mass deportation?"

"No, I have not. I will deport 11 million undocumented immigrants and two dogs."

"Why the two dogs?"

"See? Nobody cares about the immigrants!"

What did Odysseus say to the depressed Cyclops?

Nobody cares.

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An old Hitler joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted Hitler's spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what Hitler had to say.

"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".

"Why the two dogs?" the medium replie...

What do the Royal Family and Probability math equations have in common?

They are not important and nobody cares about them.

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Hitler and Stalin walk together in the afterlife

... they stop next two people and Hitler tells Stalin: "Let me tell you of my plan: I am going to kill six million Jews and a mechanic.

one of the two people hear this and asks Hitler "Why kill the mechanic?"

Hitler turns to Stalin and says: "see? I told you nobody cares about the Jews...

Reddit is kinda like Instagram, I hate to say

Nobody cares unless you show your cake

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An opinion is like an asshole

Everyone has one, and nobody cares to see yours posted on the internet.

Trump to bartender: We are going to nuke Pakistan & kill Mia Khalifa

Bartender: why mia khalifa?

Trump to Imaran Khan: see nobody cares about Pakistan!

The FDA has issued guidelines on animal testing

All companies testing on rats are encouraged to switch to lawyers, for the following reasons:

1. They are easier to breed

2. Nobody cares what happens to them

3. There are some things rats just won't do

Austria’s Prime minister...

... and his minister of health were sitting in a restaurant and laughing out loud. A guest comes by and asks: “Why are you laughing that hard?”
The PM replies: “We are planning the next lockdown!”
Guest: “And that’s so funny?”
PM: “Yes…”
Guest: “What are you planning to do?”
PM: “We w...

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A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he is sitting there he catches sight of the guy sitting next to him and notices the man looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man ignores this at first and quietly drinks his beer.

After some time his curiosity gets the better of him, so...

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Hilter at a bar

A man walks into a bar and notices Hitler sitting in the corner. The man goes up to the bartender and asks "Hey, what's up with Hitler over there?" The bartender replies "Oh, he just comes in and sits there by himself. If you buy him a drink though, he'll answer one question for you."

So the ...

A long time ago...

For many years, a small indian village had been mistreated by a great fire breathing dragon. All the villages were too scared to even leave their houses at night, that was except for a young man named Urkake.

Urkake was a fearless fighter who swore to the village that he would slay the drago...

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Hitler was in a meeting with his general, Eichmann.

Eichmann asked, "Fuhrer, what shall we do with all the Jews in the concentration camps?"

Hitler repleid, "I will kill 4 million Jews and 1 bicycle boy!"

Confused, Eichmann asked, "But Fuhrer, why would you kill 1 bicycle boy?"

Hitler answered, "See?! Nobody cares about the Jews!...

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Funny how you can get charged $250 for smoking in a hotel room...

but you can cum on everything and nobody cares.

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Women are alot like continents.

At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- virgin territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, b...

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Two doctors are discussing recent events...

The doctor tells the other "At our hospital we've had a lot of deaths recently due to covid19. We're based in washington and we had 20 senators, 300 deputies, 20 governers, 1000 mayors and 1 prostitute"

The other doctor said "Really 1 prostitute how did she get it?"

See nobody cares ab...

What's the difference between an apathist and a nihilist?

Nobody cares, it doesn't really matter

What's the difference between Ethiopians and gorillas?

Nobody cares about Ethiopians dying.

(First post on r/jokes and a bit offensive)

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Menachem Begin (the sixth Prime Minister of Israel) walks into a bar,

and to his amazement just down the end, talking to the bar-tender is no one but Adolf Hitler himself. Well Begin thought to himself, this is my chance to find out what makes this guy tick.

So he goes up to him and says, “Hitler, what the hell you doing here?”

Hitler looks over at Mena...

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Hitler steps through a time machine

Five scientists are standing around a time machine when Hitler steps through.

Hitler turns to them and says "We are going to kill one million Jews and two clowns."

The scientists are baffled by this and ask Hitler "Why the two clowns?"

Hitler responds back "Exactly! Nobody care...

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A guy walks into a bar, and sees Trump and Cruz sitting in a booth.

He walks over there and says: "Wow! It's such an honor meeting both of you! What are you doing here?"

Cruz: "We're planning World War III."

Guy: "Really? What's going to happen?"

Cruz: "We're going to kill 140 million Muslims and a blonde with big tits."

Guy: "What? Why t...

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Theme 3: 1 Liners, Words of Wisdom

*I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

*Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

*Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in ...

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Little Johnny was about to go home from school

but before his class was dismissed, his 2nd grade teacher said,"I'm going to teach you guys about the government next class, so for homework I want you to ask your parents about the government." When Johnny got home, he went up to his father and asked him," Daddy, what's the government?" His father ...

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Jewish Kid who is Bad at Math

There is a Jewish family with a son who is horrible at math. They've tried everything they could think of to get his scores up. Tutoring, different schools, nothing has worked. Finally they hear from some friends at Synagogue that they had the same issue with their son, and sending him to catholi...

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