UPJOKE

No One Cares Jokes

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Use chemicals to remove polish and no one cares..

But use chemicals to remove Polish and you're literally Hitler.

5 things that no one cares about

1. Lists

It’s my cake day and no one cares

I feel caked…pied….I mean desserted

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Adoption agencies are sexist. Women adopt babies all the time and no one cares...

But a 40 year old man asks to adopt a 16 year old and suddenly you need to leave the premises immediately.

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No one cares if you go to the bathroom.

In fact, you are the only one who gives a shit.

If you think no one cares about you...

Stop paying your bills and see how many people want to talk to you.

If you think no one cares that you're alive...

try missing a couple of payments.

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Put the lid down after you poop a thousand times and no one cares

But forget to lift it beforehand once and suddenly you're the bad guy

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Hitler at a bar

A man walks into a bar and believes to see Adolf Hitler sitting on a bar stool. The man walks up to the man, and in an unsure tone, asks: Are you Adolf Hitler. At which point the following conversation ensues:

Hitler: Why yes, I am

Man: I thought you were dead!

Hitler: No, my f...

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A man walks into a bar and sees a man that looks like Adolph Hitler

sitting at the end of the bar. He walks up to him and asks "are you really Hitler?" The man stands up and says loudly, "Ja, ich bin Adolph Hitler. I killed 6 million Jews and 1 Mexican." The man says, "wait, why did you kill a Mexican?" Hitler says "Sehen Sie! See? That is what i mean, no one cares ...

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A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he is sitting there he catches sight of the guy sitting next to him and notices the man looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man ignores this at first and quietly drinks his beer.

After some time his curiosity gets the better of him, so...

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Guy walks into a bar and sees Hitler

So a guy walks into a bar, and sitting at the bar across from the bartender is Hitler himself. The guy walks up to him and says "Hitler, you're alive? I thought you died a long time ago?"

"Aah, that's just a conspiracy. I've been in hiding, and now I have a new plan. I'm going to kill 6 milli...

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Whats the difference between a driveway and a dead baby?

No one cares when you pull out of a driveway.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

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So I saw Hitler walking down the street.

I asked him, "So Hitler,what have you been doing recently?"

He said, " Well you see, this time I'm going to kill six million Jews and two clowns."

So I asked "Why the two clowns?"

He replied "See, no one cares about the jews!"

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So Hitler is down in hell, sitting with some other terrible people...

Stalin: I wish I had more time up there, I feel like I could have done so much more.

Hitler: You know, if I could do it all again, I'd kill 6 million jews and a dog.

Stalin: That's kind of fucked up...why would you kill a dog?

Hitler: See, I told you no one cares about the jews....

You know the funniest thing about apathy?

No one cares.

Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, “I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. “Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten?” Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Muslims.”

An old and gold jokes

I'm gonna be a terrorist & kill 1000 people and a monkey

Why do you wanna kill a monkey?

See ! No One Cares about the 1000 people

A girl goes to the doctor...

A girl asks her doctor "Are there many calories in sperm?". Doc replies "Look love, if you swallow, no one cares how fat you are!".

Your opinion is like..

..women's sport, its there but no one cares

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Johnny is in a bar

And sees Hitler in a stool raising a glass of Jagermeister. Every few minutes Hitler would raise his glass, toast and drink it back.

Johnny is watching this and after a few injections of liquid courage decides to approach him. “Hitler, what are you doing here?!”

Hitler responds, “I...

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Three Clowns

In the days just before he began his reign of terror in Nazi Germany, Hitler was talking to one of his few close friends. "I have this great idea, called the Final Solution. I'm going to kill all of the Jews in the world, and three clowns." His friend looks at him, a bit puzzled, and says, "Well,...

Trump and Pence are laughing amongst themselves at a White House dinner...

A senator is watching them from a few tables away and wonders what they keep laughing about.

Later, he approaches them and asks, "I've been watching you guys for a while now and you keep laughing amongst yourselves. What could be so funny?"

Trump replies, "We're going to start World Wa...

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