UPJOKE

Ninety Nine Jokes

In French we don't say 'ninety nine'...

..instead we say 'quatre-vingt dix neuf' which translates as 'we don't have a functional numerical system'

What's the Difference Between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts

Beer nuts are a buck ninety nine, and deer nuts are just under a buck

If an aeroplane is transporting 100 bricks, and one falls out, how many bricks are left?

Ninety nine.

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What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?

1. Open the door
2. Put the elephant in
3. Close the door

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What are the four steps to putting a horse in the fridge?

1. Open the door
2. Take the elephant out
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cannibal mother in law ate my wife, and now..

I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ate one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irish joke, my mum told me this over ten years ago (she's part Irish and can pull the accent) and I've created it to be a bit story like. Hope you like.

Paddy was outta work, and he ask'd his mam if she knew of any going.

She sent him down to the docks to his cousin Paddy. (Small world)

Me mam said der was a jab go'n.

(I'm going to do the rest in English cos Fuck writing it all like this!)

Paddy wasn't to happy about empl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy went to the doctor and said “Doc, I’m not feeling so great. In fact, I t’ink I’m goin’ mad”.

Paddy went to the doctor and said “Doc, I’m not feeling so great. In fact, I t’ink I’m goin’ mad”.
The doctor said “Look out the window and tell me what you see”.
“Nointy noin” Paddy announces, clearly proud of his achievement.
“Ninety nine?” asked the doctor. “But all that’s out there ar...

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