UPJOKE

New Year Resolution Jokes

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Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year resolutions were.

She said «Fuck you». So im pretty excited for 2018

I made a New Year resolution to lose 20 pounds !

Only 24 pounds to go !

I've made a new year resolution.

I'm going to start doing things on time.

I have 11 New Year Resolutions...

* Never make resolutions
* Be accepting of paradoxes
* Use the binary number system more often

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My New Year Resolution is to give up sexual innuendos;

Which is going to be extremely hard...

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Wife said my New Year resolution needs to be to have more romance and sex

As a good husband I booked an expensive suite for a long weekend in a posh hotel. I got dressed up, bought some sexy lingerie for her and some cosplay outfits. Got some viagra so I could perform all night long.

Romantic dinner on a French restaurant, candle light dinner and was amazing. She w...

My New Year Resolution for 2020 is...

3840 x 2160

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New year resolution : First day at the gym

As a new year resolution, I, like million others decided to join a gym and hire a trainer. After some warm up, the trainer brought me to the equipment. a vertical row machine. He showed me how to use the machine and suggested that i exercise one arm at a time. Looking at my physique (if i can call t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last year, one of my new year resolutions was too stop being so arrogant and cocky

Realised a week into January I didn't need to bother because I am already perfect

My New Year Resolution for 2018 is...

Buying bitcoin in 2011!

My first New Year resolution will be

to stop mistyping 2016 instead of 2017

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