UPJOKE

New Mattress Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his mother-in-law bought a new mattress, but there was no room in the car for the both of them and the mattress.

Luckily, the man had a ball of twine in his pocket, and after driving 25 miles, they safely got the mattress home unscathed.

Later that night, the mother-in-law came home and bitched out at him when she hit a low bridge while she was tied on top of the car.

I bought a new mattress today but I’m not sure whether I like it or not

I don’t know, I’ll sleep on it

I can't decide if I should get a new mattress or not.

I should probably sleep on it.

The wife wanted a new mattress, but I wasn’t sure about the decision.

I told her I’d have to sleep on it.

What's the best thing to do when you are unsure about your new mattress?

Sleep on it

Nun takes a vow of silence

A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.

Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.

Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new ma...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.