UPJOKE

My Wife Went To Jokes

My wife went to the cinema with her friends

My wife went to the cinema with her friends last night and left me in charge of our two year old son.
She called me when she got there and said, "Is Jack ok?"
"He's absolutely fine," I replied, "He's in the bath at the moment, you've got nothing to worry about."
"Is he playing with his litt...

My wife went to work and left her phone at home.

I found it on the kitchen table.

I tried to call and tell her, but she didn’t answer.

What’s worse is someone kept calling.

Wait ‘til I find out who Honey is.

My wife went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite

When she got home, I realized she picked 7 up.

My wife went to the doctors and now we’re getting divorced.

Doc told her she can’t have anything with alcohol in it.

My wife went to Jupiter and found pictures of me and a mistress.

She was crushed. My mistress asked what the big deal was... she didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

My wife went to the doctor

As she laid on the table naked, she had to tell the Optometrist "My eyes are up here!"

NSFW My wife went to see a murder mystery film titled "Glory holes and murder"

When she came back home, she looked really wide eyed. "I said you look shocked"
She said "yes, a surprise ending, but I never saw it coming..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife went to see the doctor, as we thought she may have Tourette's

Turns out there's nothing wrong with her: I'm just a fucking cunt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man goes on holiday to Italy

A guy walks into a barbershop and sits in the chair.

The barber asks, “Are you going anywhere on holiday this year?”

Guy replies, “Yes actually, my wife and I are going to Italy.”

Barber says, “Why you going there? It’s rubbish!”

Guy says, “Well, the weather is supposed t...

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