UPJOKE

My Little Brother Jokes

My mom kicked me out the house for tickling my little brothers feet

I knew I should’ve waited until he was born

My Mom got mad at me for tickling my little brother's feet...

She was all like "Wait until he's born"

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My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

I caught my little brother...

I caught my little brother sniffing my girlfriend's panties today.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had been wearing them all week.

Got a PS5 for my little brother.

Best trade I've ever done!

Boy: Mommy! I don't like my little brother!

Mom: Shut up and keep eating.

My little brother won a goldfish at the local fair. Sadly, the next morning he was floating dead in his little pond.

So now I have to look after the fish.

My little brother is throwing a tantrum because we aren’t having German sausages for dinner

He’s being such a brat

One from my little brother

My little brother and I were playing on the Xbox the other day and our game was really slow so he said, “why don’t we get it some shoes so it can run faster.”

Sorry

Joke my little brother made up

What is a dead man's favorite food? Biscuits and gravy.

I got my little brother a Cisformer for his birthday

It's like a transformer, but it starts out as a car and stays that way

One of my favorite jokes from my little brother

Him: Knock knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Mosq

Me: Mosq who?

Him: MOSQUITOOO!!

Him: Knock knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Anada

Me: Anada who?

Him: Anada MOSQUITOOO!!

Him: Knock knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Yet

Me: ...

My little brother just threw a milk carton at me,

How dairy.

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Here’s a joke my little brother told me.

A man find out his wife of 3 years has been cheating on him so he hires an assassin to take her and her side piece out. The assassin agrees to the job no questions asked but let’s the man know that each bullet will cost him 5 grand but he never misses. The husband just wants his wife dead and agrees...

Because it's my Cake Day, I'll tell you a cake joke my little brother (10) told me

It's a Dutch joke but I'll try to explain

So I had made a cake recently, and it just stood there on the table. So my little brother comes up to me and says; 'Kijk daar!' (Look over there) while pointing at the cake. So when I looked at it he says; 'haha je keek' (haha you looked)


<...

My little brother told me this one

“Why do ducks have feathers?” He says grinning through his teeth

“Why?”


“To cover there But-Quacks!” He says absolutely dyeing

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My little brother asked me about safe sex

I told him that it's dangerous, fucked up, and that he should just have sex with people instead.

My little brother: "I keep asking people what LGBT means...

...but no one is giving me a straight answer!"

Every year my uncle dresses as Santa Clause for me and my little brother.

Santa is coming really means something different in our family.

When my little brother was born, he was named Ugliest Baby In The Hospital

I don't know why my parents would name him that. We call him Ubith for short.

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The day before our family holiday my little brother locked himself in his bedroom.

I was worried, so I asked him what he was doing.



He said, "I'm packing."



"Fuck off," I replied. "It's only about four inches."

My mom was telling my little brother about the food she ordered....

she said it had a middle eastern flavor to it. I then said said “He doesn’t even know what that means!” To which he replied, “Yes I do, it just means there’s a bomb in it.”

My little brother (5) told me a joke that I kind of had to share.

¨Hey, sis?¨

¨Yeah?¨

¨Can I tell you this new joke I learned?¨

¨Sure, go for it!¨

¨Knock, knock!¨

¨Who is there?¨

¨Knock knock..!¨

¨Who is there?¨

And that continued for about 2 more times. Until he asked me to come closer and whispered in my ea...

My little brother swallowed a coin and was to taken to the hospital

When I asked how he is doing, the nurse said "No change yet!"

My little brother likes sirens so we took him to the police station to see some.

They tied him to a mast and set him asail the Aegean Sea.

My little brother just said my IQ is 0 and that he is 300,000 times smarter than me

300,000×0 = 0

I came home to find my little brother putting cake frosting on his elbow.

When I asked him why he said, "I told mom that my elbow hurt and she asked me if I tried icing it".

My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?

An Insti-Gator

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My little brother made this joke up when he was about 10: Although Japanese people used to wear kimonos...

Nowadays you often see them wearing Ja-pants.

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An Irish daughter (an oldie but goodie)

An Irish daughter had not been to the house for over five years. Upon her return, her father cussed her out, "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put...

My family and I went to a funeral today. Everyone was weeping and crying except my little brother.

He was dead silent.

Back in the 60s,my little brother thought he could communicate with the trees and i used to think he had some mental issues...

That is until i was drafted to Vietnam

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Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan.

Tomato Means Harder And Cheese Means Faster. So We Were Having Sex And She Was Screaming Tomato Tomato Tomato Cheese Cheese Cheese, Then My Little Brother Said Can Y’all Stop Making Sandwiches Your Getting Mayonnaise All Over My Bed.

My little brother jumped out the window when I told him a cannibal clown was coming upstairs to feast on his flesh.

I can’t believe he fell for It.

My mum had an argument with me last night.

She told me to stop tickling my little brothers feet.

Her exact words were... "Stop it, wait until he's born"

We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting

They caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.

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Stealing my little brother's (fellow Redditor) original joke, hope he sees it and is pissed. What do you get when you cross a pig and a Christmas tree...?

A Porky-Pine

There is only one mom

At school, the children were given the topic "There is only one mom" for their homework.

On the second day at school, Daisy reads her homework:

*My mom is good, she takes care of us, looks after us. There is only one such mother.*

Frank reads the homework:

*No mom is as g...

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I went up to my dad and said “can I ask you a question for a school project?”

He said “sure son, what do you need to know?”

I asked him, “dad, what’s politics?”

He told me “well son, let’s use our home as an example. I make the money, so I am capitalism. Your mom controls and administers the money, so let’s call her the government. We take care of what you need ...

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Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"
The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking,...

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A sixth grade boy named Timmy was in charge of taking his little brother to school..

A sixth grade boy named Timmy was in charge of taking his little brother to school for the first day of kindergarten. As Timmy got on the school bus, the bus driver stopped Timmy and said, "Timmy, who's that?" while pointing at his little brother.

"That's my little brother," said Timmy qui...

How do Asians make love?

First they dim sum lights

(Courtesy of my little brother)

That pro-crime culture is getting ridiculous!

My little brother's teacher asked "Who shot Abraham Lincoln?". He answered "John Wilkes Booth", and the next recess, his locker had "STOP SNITCHING" painted on it.

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

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Knock, Knock.

Its Open.

Knock, Knock!

Door is open come in.

KNOCK, KNOCK!!!!

Yeah, come on in.

JERK!!!

"Mommy why did you name me rose?"

"Because, when you were born and coming out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head. So we named you rose."

"Is that why my little brother is named leaf?"

"Yes it is."

"Blaaaaaaaaaargh-ddsbbbb-beeeebleeeb."

"Shut up brick!"

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Bunk bed

A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?" Girlfriend texts back "Duh!" So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk....

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Little Johnny uses the word Contagious in a sentence.

A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand.
The teacher calls on little Susie.
Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I wi...

My lil brother wanted to make a herb bouquet.

My little brother wanted to make a herb bouquet for his school assignment. So i helped him to make it. It took us 5 hours to collect all kinds of herbs from our garden and made an amazing bouquet. But the next morning, when he had to go to school, the herbs were dried and ugly.

Turns out, al...

One morning, a little girl goes into the living room and asks her mother...

"Why did you name me Rose, mom?"

Mom says, "As we we leaving the hospital after you were born, a rose petal fell on your head. So we named you Rose."

The daughter says, "Is that why my little brother is named Leaf and little sister is named Rain?"

"Yes," Mom says. "Exactly."...

Why was the math book sad?

It had lots of problems.

[My little brother told me this earlier.]

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I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.

We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible. I was put in a team with my little brother. After searching for a good spot we eventually settled in a watchtower.

We agreed that one person stood watch and the other could rest. My brother be...

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What noise do you make when you eat Vietnamese food?

Nom Nom

My little brother just told me that joke. He's an asshole

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The Firing Squad

Four gunmen are standing in the woods, recently deputized by the new regime in the budding of a civil war. Before them, a gagged and hooded prisoner on their knees, sobbing at the edge of an empty grave. Behind them, nine already filled.

The first looks nervous. "I've been counting the prison...

I got my priest to stop hitting on me.

I introduced him to my little brother.

What is a plumber's favorite vegetable?

A leek

*my little brother gave me this

Two scientist walk into a bar...

The bartender asks what they would like to drink. The first scientist says "I'll have a glass of H2O please." The second scientist says "I'll have H2O too." The second scientist dies.

Credit to my little brother. I don't know where he got it from.

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