My Girl Jokes

19 and easily spread.

Always Tolkien in her sleep...

Cause i forgot her name

But in the end, It doesn't even matter.

I guess we just weren't working out.

My girl said her safe word is “Meatloaf” because she would do anything for love but she won’t do that.

My girlfriend is so smart. I called her from my friends phone and she said "what's up honey?". She already knew I was on the other side of the line ;)

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

White, spoiled, and chunky

I have to make sure she’s not talking to Pete Davidson

It's a vicious cycle.

Don't know if I lava anymore.

I know she means well.

She said she needed some space.

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but... read more

under another man.

High.


Go vote

I broke up with her and her eyes became wet. I don't understand why she's mad now

It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

...is when they are lowering my casket into the ground!

Even though she doesn't find any hair on my clothes she still be like "Who's the bald chick?!".

She said I love U2. That was kind of depressing. She's talking about music at this vulnerable moment. So I broke up with her.

I say nothing.

After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: 'Go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the differ... read more

My address, my phone number, my name, etc.

But her face's ten.

A catastrophy

So, I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.

She is actually willing to sleep with me.

Damn that Restless Leg Syndrome.

She proposed the idea that it’s better for us not to see each other anymore...

Ground into little pieces and burned at high temperature.

Hot, brown, and imported from India.

Just wait until my girl finds out I paid $100 to see it.

wiggly when I eat them

hot and ready in 2 mins