UPJOKE

Moving Forward Jokes

After reviewing my blood test results, my doctor told me to stop smoking moving forward.

Now I smoke walking sideways.

What did the anxious cow say to themself to keep moving forward.

It's just one step in front of the udder.

What do you call a squid moving forward?

squidward

It doesn't matter how fast I'm going. What matters is that I'm moving forward in the right direction.

police officer: That's very inspiring, but you're still getting a ticket.

Donald Trump is moving forward with a bill to ban pre-shredded cheeses

He wants to make America grate again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The president was touring a local hospital one day.

And as he’s going room to room, he sees a man furiously masterbating. He shockingly asks the doctor touting with him why this patient is doing this with the door wide open.

The doctor replies that the man has a disease where his testicles refill so fast that if he doesn’t ejaculate every hou...

The Case Of The Industrial Fire

The industrial fire had been raging for a few hours and no one was able to stop it. Someone called all the fire stations in the nearby towns, and almost all of them were there within minutes. Despite managing to contain the fire by forming a circle around it, the center was still going strong, with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I see a hearse, I am always proud of the deceased.

Despite their current situation, they are slowly moving forward.

Blind pilots

So i went flying. I entered the airplane looked for my seat and sat down, just as every usual flight.
Suddenly I see the pilots entering. They both are wearing sunglasses and blind sticks.
I asked the stewardess: "sorry, who are these two? They cant be our pilots, can they?"
"those are one ...

The reverse gear on our car stopped working, so my wife and I took it to a garage.

Moving forward we should be fine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was alone

on a late train last night when a gorgeous cute girl got on and sat directly across from me. I couldn't help but notice her skirt had ridden up revealing her panties to me.



She showed no interest in hiding her charms, her face was expressionless and she exuded an aloof sexuality I co...

Why was the Texan afraid of the clock?

Because it reminded him that time was moving forward.

A joke told to me by an ex-NSA spook who worked in Western Germany during the Cold War. It describes the past leaders of the USSR perfectly.

Lenin, Stalin, Brezhnev, and Gorbachev are on a train to the Great Worker's Rally in Moscow. Suddenly, the train stops and the great men get out to discover that there are no tracks in front of the train. Worried about making it to the rally on time, the men start discussing a solution.

Lenin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day an atheist goes hunting in the woods

It's a very uneventful morning when he finally comes across the perfect shot. He loads his weapon, undoes the safety, and lines up his sight. To his surprise, all of a sudden a bear appears in his scope point blank. The bear pulls its claw back ready to slice the atheist open when he cries out, "oh ...

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