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Mascara Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It doesn't matter how much mascara I put on my penis...

I can't seem to make it thicker, fuller or longer lasting.

"Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three times longer"

They should make condoms...

What do you call spooky mascara

Mascarea

Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?

Because they always make-up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say makeup sex is the best sex

But I can’t even get my dick in the mascara bottle

[OC] I went shopping with my wife yesterday....

She looked at lipsticks for over 30 minutes but she didn't buy any

She tried 20 kinds of perfumes but none of them were good enough

She tested 10 different kinds of mascaras but she didn't like any of them

She read the labels of all the blushes just to finally walk out empty han...

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Did you guys hear the one about the mascara and the lipstick?

The relationship was alright, but the make-up sex was amazing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stranded

So a plane crashes near a deserted island, and the only survivors are Megan Fox and a guy named Bill. So for months, Bill builds her a shelter, catches fish, cooks, and takes care of Megan, while being a perfect gentleman.

So then Megan approaches Bill one night, and they make passionate lov...

A couple of days ago I ate three lipsticks and some mascara and haven't pooed since...

You really can't sh*t this make up.

An old lady is riding the bus...

... when a haggard young mother with a screaming baby gets on. The mother sits across from the old lady, who watches her try everything to calm the child: burps her, rocks her, tries to feed her. Nothing works. The baby continues to scream its head off. Other passengers shoot the mother annoyed look...

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I’ve had makeup sex only once in my life.

It took forever to get the waterproof mascara off my penis.

I don’t like girls who wear makeup...

Because they mascara me away

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My wife and I spent the day fighting. The upside is that tonight there is sure to be "make up sex"...

I love what she does with that mascara brush.

Billy's parents called the school on the afternoon he completed his make up test,

they wanted to know why he was wearing lipstick and mascara.

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A man decides to go golfing one Sunday. He's in the clubhouse paying for 18 holes when a gorgeous blonde woman approaches him. "Hey, I noticed you're golfing alone," she said...

"I'm golfing alone too. Can I join you?"

The man enthusiastically agrees and they head to the course.

She's good. *Really* good, and beats the man's score by many strokes. The man is feeling self conscious for losing so soundly to a woman. The woman notices his change in mood and says,...

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A boy and his family are getting ready for Thanksgiving Dinner

The boy eager to help goes to his dad in the kitchen. His dad is carving the turkey and accidentally cuts his finger, and yells, "Fuck!".
The boy asks his dad what fuck means and his father replies, "it means to cut something. Go see if your mom needs help".

The boy goes upstairs where his...

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A child is roaming the house, when...

...he stumbles upon his father, who exclaims "fuck!" as he cuts his finger while preparing chicken for a meal, unaware of his child's presence. The child asks,

"Daddy, what does fuck mean?"

The father turns around and explains to his child; "Well, son, it's a word that you use when yo...

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