UPJOKE
mask

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It doesn't matter how much mascara I put on my penis...

I can't seem to make it thicker, fuller or longer lasting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

they say make-up sex is the best sex

But I can't even get my dick in the fucking mascara bottle

What do you call spooky mascara

Mascarea

Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?

Because they always make-up

"Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three times longer"

They should make condoms...

SOME PEOPLE WEAR TOO MUCH MASCARA

Sorry, I hate it when I lash out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened after the eyeliner and mascara got in a fight?

They had make-up sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decides to go golfing one Sunday. He's in the clubhouse paying for 18 holes when a gorgeous blonde woman approaches him. "Hey, I noticed you're golfing alone," she said...

"I'm golfing alone too. Can I join you?"

The man enthusiastically agrees and they head to the course.

She's good. *Really* good, and beats the man's score by many strokes. The man is feeling self conscious for losing so soundly to a woman. The woman notices his change in mood and says,...

A couple of days ago I ate three lipsticks and some mascara and haven't pooed since...

You really can't sh*t this make up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you guys hear the one about the mascara and the lipstick?

The relationship was alright, but the make-up sex was amazing.

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I’ve had makeup sex only once in my life.

It took forever to get the waterproof mascara off my penis.

Rihanna just donated $5,000,000 to Coronavirus relief through her foundation.

I wonder what her mascara’s going to do.

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Stranded

So a plane crashes near a deserted island, and the only survivors are Megan Fox and a guy named Bill. So for months, Bill builds her a shelter, catches fish, cooks, and takes care of Megan, while being a perfect gentleman.

So then Megan approaches Bill one night, and they make passionate lov...

I don’t like girls who wear makeup...

Because they mascara me away

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A child is roaming the house, when...

...he stumbles upon his father, who exclaims "fuck!" as he cuts his finger while preparing chicken for a meal, unaware of his child's presence. The child asks,

"Daddy, what does fuck mean?"

The father turns around and explains to his child; "Well, son, it's a word that you use when yo...

Did you hear about the shooting at the Dyslexic makeup factory?

It was a total mascara.

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