UPJOKE

Man With No Arms Or Legs Jokes

What do call a man with no arms or legs in a cupboard?

Herb

What do you call a man with no arms or legs?

Matt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking on a beach when he saw a woman with no arms or legs crying.

A man was walking on a beach when he saw a woman with no arms or legs crying. He asked what was wrong. She said:
"I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been hugged."
He hugged her and kept walking. A few minuted later, he sees her crying again. He asked what was wrong now; She said:
"I...

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your pool?

Bob.

In a pile of leaves?

Russell.

In a hole?

Doug.

On a wall?

Art.

At your front door?

Matt.

Two armless legless men in front of your window?

Kurt and Rod.

What do you call a man & woman with no arms or legs sitting on a barbecue grill?

Frank & Patty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"


She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman wi...

A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman with no arms or legs..

Is crying on a bench at the beach, i approach her "hey honey, whats the matter?" i say, she looks at me tears streaming down her face "ive never had a man hug me" she says, so i sit next to her and giver a her a nice hug she again looks at me still very upset "i have never been kissed by a man" she ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking along the beach, and encounters a woman with no arms or legs

She catches him looking, so he feels it necessary to say hi. She explains that her caretaker left her there, while she went to get lunch. They chat for a while, and he stands to walk away. The woman looks at him, and blurts out:

"Hey. You're so nice and handsome. I'm embarrassed to even ask t...

Did you hear about the man with no arms or legs that swam the English channel?

What a cleverdick...

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