UPJOKE

Love Your Jokes

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of...

A Pastor is preaching on Loving Your Enemies

He expounds on the value of grace and forgiveness to all and how we are called to love our neighbors and our enemies as much as we love ourselves.

The congregation is roused to action and filled with the Holy Spirit

The pastor asks them all "Will you go out into the world and love you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

love your Mum

The other night I went out with my work friends without telling my wife .. I thought I would only have one drink but then one drink became two and then three and then you know how it goes .. I arrived home around 3am stumbling in through our front door trying not to make a noise .. I made myself a h...

Jokes about drowning billionaires are disgusting.

I mean, how low can you go?

She leaned over and said, "I love your dad bod."

I shrugged and replied, "yeah, it's growing on me."

'I love your paintings'

Someone in an art gallery

or

a Jamaican in a bondage shop.

Love your neighbor as you love yourself is an important lesson.

It's how I learned to give a hand-job!

Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?

Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage.

(Disclaimer: I believe this is OC because I heard it in Cantonese and I've translated it, so also, apologies for bad English)

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing the opposite way, back to each other,...

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?

All the women raised their hands.


Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was just walking past the church when the vicar turned to me and said, "Love your neighbor."

I said, "Me too - cracking pair of tits!"

You gotta love your job....

My dream job is cleaning mirrors, that's a job I can see myself doing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Mmm..I love your cooking darling."

That's the male equivalent to a fake orgasm.

My mom used to say "you love your friends more than your family don't you?"

No mom, I don't bang my friends

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