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Looks Like Jokes

Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom.

Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.



I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.

Doctor: Well, it looks like you're pregnant.

Woman: Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!

Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.

FP Edit: RIP my inbox

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

Edit: Yes, yes MILLIONS. I wasn't sure if those sources were true or not when I posted.

Also, the spam from the Trump people is great. I feel like I'm on the *real*...

My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did.

Account balance: $9.11

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What do you call a potato that looks like a penis?

A dictator.


What do you call a regular looking potato?

A commentator.


There are two potatoes standing on the side of the road, how do you tell which one is the hooker?

The one that says Idaho on it.

If your urine looks like beer, you are likely dehydrated.

But if it looks like bud light, you're good.

A man answers his door to find a somber-looking police officer standing on his porch. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, sir,” the officer says, “but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus.”

The man replies, “Yeah, but she’s got a great personality.”

A Russian had a talking parrot that constantly trashed Putin. When the man's friends came over he'd take out the parrot and bird would stuff like "Putin is a moron", "Putin without a shirt looks like a ballerina", and "Putin cannot swim cuz sh!t floats". one day banging on the door, "KGB open up!"

The man panics and hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB ransack the house and can't find the parrot. After they leave the man takes the parrot out of the freezer and says "you see how stupid the government is". The parrot shaking start saying "Putin is a genius", and "Putin is the best democrati...

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Looks like f***ing up here

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower.

The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather dr...

It’s not what it looks like…

At the final days of WW2 French troops are facing a German trench in 50 meters distance and can only see a single remaining German soldier hanging around there and smoking a cigarette. So with a megaphone they demand that he surrenders. In return they hear the guy shouting “One German soldier is sti...

A New Zealand Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while.

The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals."

"...sure you can," the farmer says. "But I like your style. I'll put you to work."

So the ma...

Apparently Trump's family tree looks like a cactus

Everybody on it is a prick

A police man knocked on my door the other morning and said ‘it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck’

I said ‘I know’

First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific?

Me: Simba

Your mom looks like a sewer....

Because her needlework is on point <3<3<3

what looks like half a birthday cake?

...the other half. this is my cringe cakeday joke.

Math Teacher: Your homework looks like chicken scratch, but you have all the correct answers

Later at Home: I think she’s on to us, mathmachicken

Husband is walking behind his wife and says, "Your bottom is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine."

The woman keeps quiet and
keeps walking.
Bedtime comes around, the
husband starts getting
amorous.
Wife says: "I'm not starting
the old washing machine for
such a small load. You'll have
to do it by hand!"

This guy said: "The discoloration on your arm looks like vomit."

Sick burn.

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Looks like Lars

A mortician called Sven and told him he had some bad news.

“I’m afraid your friend Lars has died, but we need someone to confirm the body.”

“Sure thing, I’ll bring Ollie, we were with him yesterday.”

So Sven and Ollie go to the Mortuary, and the mortician informs them that they ...

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What the tooth fairy looks like

This came from the book “chicken soup for the dental soul” my dentist had it in the waiting room.

I’m quoting from memory.

A 5 year old girl just lost a baby tooth and the dentist was explaining to her that if she put her tooth under the pillow at night that the tooth fairy would come ...

What does a drowning person looks like

lol

Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night

Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

My mother hates every girlfriend that I’ve ever brought home. So I brought home a girl that looks like my mother, acts like my mother, even sounds like my mom

Now my father hates her.

If it looks like Styrofoam, feels like Styrofoam, and tastes like Styrofoam.

It's a rice cracker.

Conspiracy theorists are like, “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...”

It’s a government surveillance drone.

It looks like you are all tired of seeing me post about my kinks of sadism, zoophilia and necrophilia

I feel like I am just flogging a dead horse.

Doctor told my wife "It looks like you are Pregnant"

Wife- "really, I'm pregnant?"

Doctor- "No, it just looks like you are Pregnant"

Wife- "it runs in our family"

Doctor "Nobody runs in your family"

It looks like we skipped 2021

And went straight to 2020-2

Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket.

Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?

A red bucket in disguise.

My 8 year old son...the comedian.

There are two trees in the forest, a beech and a birch and one day, they notice a small tree has sprouted up in between them. The birch says, "Man, that really looks like a son of a beech!" The beech retorts, "No way! That's gotta be a son of a birch!"

So, they start arguing back and forth. "Son of a beech!" "Son of a birch!"

Eventually, a woodpecker flies by and hears the two trees fighting and he asks the two trees what's wrong and what are they are fighting about.

The trees explain to the woodpecker that they can't tell if the sma...

Has anyone noticed that (i) looks like (I) that's been beheaded?

Capital punishment?

My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer"

I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"

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A man walks into a bar and sees a man that looks like Adolph Hitler

sitting at the end of the bar. He walks up to him and asks "are you really Hitler?" The man stands up and says loudly, "Ja, ich bin Adolph Hitler. I killed 6 million Jews and 1 Mexican." The man says, "wait, why did you kill a Mexican?" Hitler says "Sehen Sie! See? That is what i mean, no one cares ...

Looks like translating jokes is cool now

Bobby is sitting in his living room in his underwear, and wearing a blazer, when his wife comes in.

&nbsp;
&nbsp;

"Bobby why the hell are you wearing a blazer?"

"Well, maybe we'll have guests..."

"Then why don't you have any pants on?"

"Well, maybe we wo...

Looks like Jane Goodall has blocked my number.

I guess she didn't appreciate me sending her photos of macaque.

Looks like the old adage is true.....

Hope really is contagious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If it looks like shit, smells like shit, and taste like shit...

You have gone too far to identify!

Wife said looks like it’s gonna be chilly again tonight.

I said no that’s nachos.

Looks like the end of the world...

Is also made in China.

Chuck Norris parks his car in a no parking zone to buy some groceries. When he returns to his car, he sees a cop standing there. „Is that your car?“, he asks.

„Yes, what‘s the problem?“, asks Chuck.

The cop points at the big no-parking sign and says: „Sorry Sir, it looks like we put that sign in the wrong place.“

what does Schrodinger's 101th experiment looks like?

1 not 1

Looks like Blizzard are waiting...

for this to blow over

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What do you call a potato the looks like a penis?

A Dictator!

Do you guys wanna know what success looks like?

6s

What looks like a nut and sounds like a sneeze?

Cashew

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The world map nowadays looks like a human being

Asia is like the brain, all the smart things comes from there.

Middle East is like the stomach, all the churning and rumbling like all the wars happening right now

Europe is like the backbone, try to maintain world peace and keeping the world in shape.

And then there's America, ...

Looks like Disney isn't sticking to their guns

But they will be sticking with their Gunn

It's a bit eerie how my girlfriend looks like my mother

I guess its true what they say though, "like mother like daughter"

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A pilot accidentally left on the intercom and was heard saying, "I could really use a coffee and a blowjob"

A stewardess quickly ran towards the cockpit, and a passenger yelled out, "you forgot the coffee!"

Eta: Looks like Good Will Hunting made this joke popular.

The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

What do you call the person whom your wife cheated on you with, that looks like you and has the same mannerisms as you?

A dopplebanger.

Looks like I just lost an electron...

I need to keep a better ion them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a problem with my computer yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."


I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fi...

What do you call something that looks like pasta, and tastes like pasta, but isn't pasta?

An impasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A son asks his father what a vagina looks like.....

And the father says "It looks like a very beautiful flower that must be plucked very gently"

And the son asks "What does it look like after its been plucked?"

And the father responds "Like a bulldog with a mouth full of mayonnaise"

Wife: When you dress like that, it looks like you got some class Me: I always knew, thanks

Wife: It’s third class

A wife comes to her husband and says:

\- Darling, let's make love like in the movies.

\- Of course love! - the husband says eagerly and begins.

Once he finishes, she looks at him and says:

\- Yes, darling, looks like you and I (*wipes her face*) are watching very different movies.

Looks like Trump might leave the G7...

giving the other members a reason to fly like a G6

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On a flight back from Russia, a flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the captain immediately…

“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a sexual deviant!”

The captain responds, “You must be new here. This is Air Force One.”

It looks like Joe Biden might win the democratic nomination.

If he wins the presidency maybe Hunter can get a job closer to home.

My older son looks exactly like me

\- That's an example of genetic factor.

My younger son looks like my neighbor.

\- That's an example of social influence.

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