UPJOKE

Little Mary Jokes

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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

Little Mary had no arms

Guess what she got for her birthday

A pair of gloves

Nah, just kidding, she's still trying to open the box

\*Knock Knock\*

Who's there?

Definitely not Little Mary

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Mary was not the best student...

in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, and altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed it in her rear.
<...

Little Mary is riding a train with her grandma

Suddenly, Mary opens the window and leans out.
,,Watch out Mary, you might get hurt by tree branches." says grandma.
Mary replies,,Don't worry grandma, there are no trees, just co-co-co-co-co-co-concrete pillars."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Mary

Little Mary came home from Little Johnny's house and called out:

"Hey, Mom, guess what! Johnny has a penis like a peanut!"

Her mother was understandably confused for a second,then queried: "What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?"

"No, silly, I mean it tastes salty!”

A nun gave little Mary a long talk on sin, prayer, and forgiveness.

When she finished the lesson, she asked little Mary, "What do we have to do before we ask the Lord for forgiveness?"

Little Mary Confidently said, "Sin"

Little Mary asks her mother: “Mum, why do people go to heaven with their legs up?”

A tad bit confused, her mother replies: “Mary, what do you mean by that?”

“Well”, Mary says. “This afternoon, I saw the maid laying on the kitchen table with her legs up. She was screaming: “Oh God, oh Lord, I’m coming, I’m coming!” Thankfully, daddy was laying right on top of her to stop her...

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Little Johnny and the helpful dog

Little Johnny and his classmates are at school, in class, when they see, through the classroom windows, two dogs humping on the other side of the street. Little Mary has never seen such a scene, and out of curiosity, asks the teacher: "Miss Crabtree, what are those dogs doing? Are they fighting?!"...

Pregnant Pause

"What did Father say when he learned you're pregnant?" asked little Mary's mother. Little Mary answered, "Should I leave out the profanity?" "Yes, of course!" Mary's mom replied. "Nothing."

Little Johnny Back At It

Little Johnny is in class, and they are working in vocabulary.

Miss Jones asks the class "Can anyone use the word contagious in a sentence?"

Little Mary shoots her hand up in the air, as does Little Johnny. Miss Jones has heard a lot of jokes, so of course she calls Little Mary first...

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Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living

Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except  Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do ?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm s...

Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson

The teacher asks the class, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?”

Little Mary says, “The science teacher is very intelligent.”

The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?”

Little Suzie says, “The ladies are very fashionable.”

Th...

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Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said "today I am going to give you a letter and I want you to give me a word that begins with that letter."

So the teacher says "A" and Little Johnny immediately raises his hand but the teacher knows he will say asshole so she calls on Little Mary and she says "apple."

"Very good" the teacher replied. "Okay, how about the letter B"

Little Johnny once again immediately raises his hand and s...

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Parents' Occupation!

The teacher in Little Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

"Mary, what does your parents do?"

Little Mary replied, "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse.

"That's very nice," said the teacher. "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert prou...

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Before the Mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers.

"Mothers are really important in our lives," she says, "so I want you to write an essay titled "I've only got one mom".

The next day the teacher asks the kids to read their essay aloud. Little Samuel goes first:

"My mom works two jobs to take care of my sister and me, and she gets real...

I got my bucket

Little Johnny and Little Mary are playing in the sandbox. Johnny proudly holds up his sand bucket and says “I got my bucket.” Mary picks up her bucket and says “I got my bucket too!” Johnny picks up his shovel: “I got my shovel.” Again, Mary says “I got my shovel too!” Johnny then pulls down his pan...

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Shower joke

Little Mary walks in the bathroom while her mom is in the shower. Mary pulls the shower curtain and sees her mother naked.

"What are you doing?" her mom asks while covering herself.

"I was wondering, mommy..." says Mary "what's that line?" she asks while pointing at her mom's private...

Little Johnny is in Sunday School,

and little Mary Margaret in the front row pipes up, "Sister Jean, what part of our body gets to heaven first?"

And the sister Jean smiles and asks, "Well what do you think, class? What part of your body gets to heaven first?"

Tommy raises his hand, "I think it's your hands, 'cuz that'...

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What part of the body goes to heaven first

A Sunday school teacher and ask her class which part of the body they think goes to heaven first. Little Mary says she thinks the hands because when you pray your hands are raised. Teachers that good answer. Little Tom says he thinks it’s the head because he use your mouth to sing praises to Jesus. ...

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