UPJOKE

Keep A Straight Face Jokes

"I had to keep a straight face."

-my bi friend who's in the closet.

Whenever my mom sees me, she just can’t keep a straight face

Since the stroke.

I was telling jokes at a bar filled with LGBTQ+ people

I was doing such a good job nobody could keep a straight face.

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Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manage...

Why is almond milk called "milk"?

Because nobody could call it "nut juice" and keep a straight face.

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My friend says he's not gay, but I don't believe him.

He can't keep a straight face.

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Why can't homosexuals tell jokes

Cuz they can't keep a straight face


Btw I'm not trying to target homos

A frog walks into a bank

A frog wearing a business suit walks into a bank and goes to stand in line to wait for a teller.

When it is his turn, he approaches the bank teller, whose name is Patricia Whack (don't laugh), and says "Hello, Miss, my name is Kermit Jagger, and I would like to take out a loan."

Miss W...

I was gonna tell a 'hetero' joke for the last day of pride month....

But I couldn't keep a straight face.

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Joe Shitface

Joe Shitface wasn't too happy with his name. All the people around him teased him about it. He couldn't even get a wife because of it. So Joe went to see a judge to have it changed. "Your honor, I can't live like this, I need to change my name". The judge looks at Joe puzzled and asks, "What is your...

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Gay people find everything hilarious

They just don't seem to be able to keep a straight face

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A guy walks into a bar...

and takes a seat next to a huge jar filled with 5 and 10 dollar bills. The guy asks the bartender what the money is for. The bartender tells the man that he has three tasks and if he does them all he gets the money. The guy asks what the first task is and the bartender pulls out a bottle of Tabasco ...

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The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that's stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, "what's this about?"

"Ah, it's a little game we got 'ere" sa...

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I thought this was relevant considering my username... Pretty funny joke :)

Guy walks in a bar, sits and gets a beer. He sees a jar filled with 5$ behind the bar. The barman explains the client needs to put 5$ in the jar to know what it's about. The client pays up, the bartender explains the client will get all the money if he can do 3 things successfully. 1-Drink a shot of...

My parents didnt take me seriously when i came out

It was because i couldn't keep a straight face

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Why were all the gays winning poker in the 40's?

Because they had to keep a straight face

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[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

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Alf and Doris have been married for 50 years

Every morning throughout those 50 years Alf has woken himself and Doris up by doing the worlds biggest fart. The violent and clockwork nature of Alf’s farting seemed to be an inhuman ability and Doris constantly warned Alf that one day he would fart his guts right out into his shorts.
 ...

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