UPJOKE

Just Got Married Jokes

I just got married but I’m not feeling great about it. For our “first dance” my wife choose the song:…

…”I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

The widow next door just got married for the eighth time.

Every single wonderful husband has had the same first name. Can you guess what that name is?
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William. She's a Bill collector.

"I hear you just got married again."

Jim: "Joe, I hear you just got married again."

Joe: "Yes, for the fourth time."

Jim: "What happened to your first three wives?"

Joe: "They all died, Jim."

Jim: "How did that happen?"

Joe: "My first wife ate poison mushrooms."

Jim: "How terrible! And your sec...

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I just got married to a young woman from Thailand and she told me that a small penis is okay.

I still wish she didn't have one though.

Two science teachers from my school just got married...

I guess they had a lot of chemistry

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A deaf couple just got married

The wife signs to her husband "we need a way to communicate in the dark. When you want are in the mood, touch my left breast, if not, touch my right breast."

The man responded by signing back "ok sounds simple. I have something similar. If you are feeling frisky pull my penis one time, if not...

John and Susie just got married.

John and Susie just got married and are spending their honeymoon at a beautiful resort on a fishing lake. For the first 3 days of their getaway, John is spotted by the groundskeeper, fishing all day long. Finally, the groundskeeper decides to approach him.




"Hey there son, I recko...

Did you hear about the 2 horses that just got married?

Well, nothing much happened but they're in quite a stable relationship now.

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I just got married but my wife refuses to have sex with me

Something about her being on a honeymoon period?

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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love,

the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychia...

A 90 year old woman just got married for the 4th time....

It was big news in a small town and a local reporter wanted to interview the lady for a story. The reporter asked the lady what professions her previous husbands had while they were married and before they passed on. "Well..." said the lady " My first husband was a banker, the second was a circus pe...

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A man and a woman just got married...

They're on their way to the honeymoon in a horse drawn carriage, when the horse starts acting up. It's jumping on its front legs, starts backing up, so the man gets out, walks over to the horse and says "that's 1". The horse calms down. So they start down the road, again, the horse just starts actin...

I just got married and I am scared of the statistics..

I'm not sure if I should be more worried about that 40-50% of marriages end in divorce or that 50-60% of all marriages last..

Jk honey, I love you. ^^^^^help

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Dude just got married and is thrilled with idea of having sex almost every day.

Almost on Monday

Almost on Tuesday

Almost on Wednesday...

I just got married today

It's unreal. I can still remember the the exact moment when every woman in the world became instantly more attractive.

My Vietnamese friends just got married. They have the same common last name, so neither of them needed to change anything.

You could say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

A couple came up to Rodney Dangerfield for an autograph. Trying to make small talk, they said "Whaddya think? We just got married!"

Rodney: "You both could've done better!"

Newlyweds tell the hotel desk clerk "we need a room we just got married!" Clerk says "would you like a bridal?"

The husband replies" no I'll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it."

A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night.

The cowboy approaches the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.


The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied,

Nope, I reckon not. I...

NASTY JOKE WARNING: A man pulls into a motel late at night....

He goes to the office and the clerk asks, "what can I do for you?" The man says, "well, I just got married and we'd like a room by the lake."

"Oh, well congratulations," the clerk said. "I'll give you a nice cabin by the lake." He gives the man the keys and directs him to a cabin. He wa...

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